News for Youse: Conservatives, could you please stay the hell out of my vagina?

“In 1939, the NDP leader didn’t even want to support the fight against Hitler."

Guess which politician made that insane yet entirely real remark during Question Period yesterday?

If you guessed Stephen Harper, then you are correct! (There will be no prizes.)

During a debate about Canada's ongoing involvement in Afghanistan, Harper threw out the spectre of the Nazis to shame the NDP for its pacifist tendencies, claiming the party didn't think getting involved in the Second World War was a good idea.

Well, he's right. There is no way the NDP supported Canada's involvement in WWII because the NDP didn't exist until 1961, a fact quickly pointed out by many irate NDP MPs.

In true Harper form, the former economics major merely shrugged his shoulders and said, "CCF, NDP, same difference."

(Again, that's a real quote, we cannot stress that enough.)

Frankly it's only a little surprising to have confirmation of our Dear Leader's ignorance of Canadian history; it's actually more surprising that he's never created a directive to rewrite Canadian history to better reflect his confused beliefs and boast of his sexual prowess and lion strength.

While we're on the topic of "Shit Conservatives Say and Do That Surprises No One With Critical Thinking Skills", backbenching MP Stephen Woodworth introduced a BS private member's bill to reopen the debate about abortion.

Harper was quick to jump up and say, "Well, it doesn't really reopen the abortion debate at all and I'm not going to vote for the bill anyway, but the rules say any MP can table any asinine bill they want." (No word on whether Harper will be tabling a bill to retroactively assign blame for the Second World War on the NDP.)

Well, maybe this bill isn't about reigniting the debate about a woman's autonomy over her own goddamn body. What exactly is Woodworth proposing?

"That a special committee of the House be appointed and directed to review the declaration in Subsection 223(1) of the Criminal Code which states that a child becomes a human being only at the moment of complete birth and to answer the questions hereinafter set forth."

It's hardly light morning reading, but you can dig into the whole debate if you like, wherein Woodworth compares fetal rights to those of adult humans, states that the abortion of fetuses is akin to killing newborn babies, and sees no irony in invoking an ancient proverb as a reason to examine a 400-year-old definition of what is a human.

Dear Conservatives, could you please stop being so fucking transvaginal already? There are very few things I want in my vagina and you are not one of them.

But it seems like Canadians may be wising up to Harper's apparent disregard for their feelings or worth as human beings; a recent Nanos Research Survey shows that overall trust in Harper's abilities as prime minister have dropped from 31.7 percent to 20 percent in the last two months alone.

Well, well, well; there may just be hope for this sorry nation after all.


Follow incredulous vagina-haver Miranda Nelson on Twitter.

Comments (30) Add New Comment
DavidH
AND, after they stop poking their noses into the female vagina, I wish they'd stop probing Canadian males as well. No orifice is safe these days.

A Nervous Anus-Haver
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Teknik
The Conservatives or anyone else will not be invading your vagina because it is already occupied by the Devil and competition is not approved by the committee of the politically correct!
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Mark Fornataro
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cs
Shouldn't this entire article be about Stephen Woodworth and his policies? Instead it's long ramble trying to connect an unrelated dumb-thing-Harper-said with the sensationalist article title. Emphasis on trying. Just hotlink to the debate article and skip the pointless character painting.
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Evilmonkeybrewing
Love the title of this article!!!!
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Gentleman Jack
@Teknik

Comrade Teknik, you know better than to mention the Committee's Existence in Public!
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D.H.
It may be your vagina, but it's the babies home. This isn't about your fun play hole - it's a matter of life an death for a miniscule Canadian citizen.
If you can't do the time, don't do the crime. There are sometimes consequences for fun - a 9 month break is one of them.
Sorry to act devil's advocate on this, as I enjoy sexual frivolity more than most, but we (the party animals) gotta face responsibility ourselves for our choice of favors. I know I may sound like a common dismissive male, but one with a 50% investment in your vagina's contents.
AND, remember, the argument HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH US or our pleasant places- it's arguably about the rights of a young Canadian citizen to small to have a voice to speak up.
Dismissing the rights of another vulnerable entity is in no way helping your vagina or the woman its attached to. Women of all people should understand the importance of standing up for the un-empowered.
I can relate to the decision when the mother or babies life is in danger. Even in the case of rape, etc. it's a judgement call.. but as a method of birth control after playtime? Those are some damn heavy consequences.
Remember the fight for autonomy women very recently endured? Time to pass the torch.
This has nothing to do with a vagina, and the shock value of using the term publicly isn't making us any more tough or empowered. Defining a woman by her vagina was something we grew beyond 40 years ago I thought, as it's a sexist dismissal.
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Stephen Hui
@D.H.:

1. Actually, the uterus is typically a baby's home.

2. You just messed with the wrong vagina.
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Elizabeth King
Sadly, as woman we are not policing our own vaginas and when you fail in that regard you have to expect that concerned individuals will speak up. When women say it is your political, human right to kill another human being simply because the baby is growing in a woman's uterus, you have failed morally as a woman. We are the sacred guardians of a developing baby from the moment we miss our period to the moment we give birth. Afterwards, we share that responsibility with our partners and families, till then we are what stands between death and our growing baby. What we eat, drink, do in daily life, all has to be adjusted to protect that life. Killing that life as a right is not a right I want to claim as a woman and a mother; it would make me a monster. If people need to stand up and remind us that this is a precious life to be protected and give that life protection under the law so there will be no more babies crushed to death inside the womb and pulled out limb by limb with surgical instruments, then march right into my vagina. Take up camp, Occupy it.
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DavidH
@ D.H.: Can you please explain why your view of the fetus changes if the mother's life is in danger, or when the pregnancy is due to rape, or if the pregnancy results from "playtime"?

What is your rationale for killing a fetus - which you insist is a human being - under ANY circumstances? Political expediency or moral indignity?
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D.H.
To be honest, I don't know what I'd do if I got someone pregnant (if I even had the opportunity ). My life is in no way stable enough that I should be creating babies.
But guys like me have to start getting involved in this debate, and facing responsibility as well - so consider this a first step.
As a child of the 70s I fully understand and appreciate women's struggle to return to their rightful place in our societies management. That's why I've been behind you gals 110% (no pun intended), as female autonomy was more important than, frankly, babies lives. In the long run a successful feminist agenda WILL be better for all of us, especially future children.
But I think this particular form of empowerment has run it's course and we must find other ways to express our autonomy.
I fear coming across as a 3rd party moralizer, waxing philosophical on something I'm not involved with and can't possibly understand - but so be it.
I've had the fortunate experience (in my dreams) of living many lives, often animals and babies; one thing is consistent - consciousness is immediate and always equal. So when I hear someone say some life has no relevance I must step up. I know dreams are assumed meaningless, but what are they worth if we don't learn and grow from them.
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Foxxe
I'm shocked, I must say! After all, it is a HELL of a feat to pull one's head out of his own conservative ass to find ANY vagina!

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johnn
who cares about life, theres enough of you worthless human fuckwits on this rock.
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D.H.
@DavidH ~ I didn't mean to imply that it's not taking a life or the uterus is somehow different in the case of rape or health danger. Just that I understand the dilemma. War is always brutal, but sometimes it IS the right decision - even when many innocents will suffer. But it shouldn't ever be fought to cover up frivolous mistakes.
In 'Of Mice and Men', the main character made a choice to spare his buddy the pain of what his life was about to become. Even animals (the closest we get to God in my opinion) are known to make this decision in some extreme situations.
I'm not blindly painting abortion as evil is what I'm trying to say, but something that is of massive significance to at least one person - thus shouldn't be taken lightly.

@Stephen Hui 1) ok, ya got me - it's the front door
2) a rose by any other name is just as sweet! I think I chose a great one to talk into..

~Thanks for responding to my post though. I don't mean to make blind sweeping assessments like this and expect not to be criticized. It's a debate on all our lives, as we've all lived in a uterus (or petri dish) at some point. But by the same token, it's taboo to question abortion - especially as someone who considers themselves a feminist. I'm trying to discuss, not judge. So I don't want to be confused for someone pointing a finger as my arguments are usually attributed with.
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D.H.
@Foxxe
Aren't conservative asses ~considered~ vaginas?
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johnn
a zygote is not a baby, and even if it is so fucking what. it doesn't think yet, it doesn't feel pain yet, and nobody fuckin cares. mind your own fuckin business neo con fuckwits.
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Nana!
Freaking hilarious!! This has got to be the BEST comment ever, and totally sums it up for me: "Dear Conservatives, could you please stop being so fucking transvaginal already? There are very few things I want in my vagina and you are not one of them." Absolutely Priceless!

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Miranda Nelson
I tried to keep my mouth shut, but I need to respond to D.H. here:

You call yourself a feminist… you are joking, right? After you've reduced me to a baby incubator, derided my reproductive organs as a "fun play hole", stated women use abortions as "birth control after playtime", and claimed a 50 percent investment in MY BODY? Yeah, that sure sounds like feminism. If you even want a hope of being considered a feminist and having your voice taken seriously in this discussion, perhaps first look at the language you are using to describe women and their biological systems and functions.

"If you can't do the time, don't do the crime. There are sometimes consequences for fun - a 9 month break is one of them."

Your first statement is complete slut-shaming, you do realize that, right? It sounds like you're assuming that the only women who have abortions are, what? Sexually promiscuous, irresponsible, and stupid young women? Maybe that wasn't your intent, but that is how your words will be interpreted. It's also the most asinine assumption a person who's never had an abortion could make.

Newsflash, buddy: having an abortion is sometimes THE MOST RESPONSIBLE thing a woman can do.

I'm sick of it. Young women are shamed for having sex, shamed for using birth control, and shamed for having abortions. Where is the culpability of MEN in this situation? As far as I know, men are directly involved in 100 PERCENT of pregnancies, unintended or not. Yet they are not subject to the same scrunity or shamed by society for their actions like women are. That double standard alone proves that the fight for women's autonomy over their own bodies is far from over.

I do NOT take the issue of abortion lightly; nor does any woman I know. Do you think little girls grow up thinking, "Gee, I sure hope I have an abortion when I grow up!"? NO. That does NOT happen. Believe me, women who have abortions aren't doing so frivolously. Do you not think that women are intelligent enough to make rational, informed decisions about their own bodies?

If you were an actual feminist, you would realize that the introduction of this bill has nothing to do with unborn humans. It's about a group of men attempting to court a right-wing coterie of voters by making a false appeal to emotion. Everyone's up in arms about the rights of a fetus; what about MY rights? I'm a fully formed adult female; how come that counts for NOTHING in this sort of debate?
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Nana!
Miranda, you are my hero! A very well written and thought out rebuttal. Thank you!
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johnn
miranda, "what about MY rights? I'm a fully formed adult female; how come that counts for NOTHING in this sort of debate?"

yeah but how are the gonna make you suffer unless they force you to grow a babby inside your belly for 9 months against your free will?

face it, these neo con nut bags are not against abortion because they "care" about anyone or anyone's feelings. they just want to breed situations where it will give birth to suffering.
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