News for Youse: CSIS, torture, mind-controlled weapons, mustaches, and you
Did you know that the Canadian government is kind of hypocritical? We know; this revelation shocked the News for Youse team to its very core, too. What this time? Just a little organization called CSIS, which claims not to use evidence revealed due to torture (a mandate that extends back to 2009)—except that it totally does, whoops, you caught us.
In a two-page document dated December 2010, Public Safety Minister Vic Toews said, "Don't worry, brah. Torture's, like, totes okay now" and that CSIS's "overriding priority" should not be the preservation of human rights and dignity but instead protection of people and property at all costs. For the record, we here at News for Youse do not condone terrorism; however, we aren't big fans of "enhanced interrogation techniques", or any activity that would see electrodes attached to our genitals, either.
Of course, if science has its way, soon the government will be conducting it's torture, er, interrogations just by thinking about it. Yes, that's right. A new report out of the U.K. looks at the role of neuroscience and weaponry—mind-controlled weaponry, that is. Studies of transcranial direct current stimulation (read: passing electricity through your brain to give you super-human powers) show soldiers with faster reaction times and higher rates of accuracy. Oh, and being able to move shit with their minds.
Ugh, this is all really depressing. But not as depressing as Portland, Maine's 2012 Stache Film Festival, which is currently accepting submissions of short films about the hair farm you're tending on your face. Films should be no more than eight minutes in length and must have a moustache-related theme or moustachioed main character. Top prize is $100, which is not enough to buy back the dignity you lost after winning best in show at a moustache film festival.
(Hark, do you hear that? It's the sound of a thousand eager hipsters breaking out their camera equipment and mustache wax.)
Anyway… holy shit, look at the size of that newborn baby! Weighing in at a wholly unreasonable 15.5 pounds, Chun Chun is the heaviest baby on record ever born in China. Our vaginas are actually crying right now.
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