News for Youse: Don Cherry sued, Real Life Superhero arrested, and mythical beasts arise

After being called “turncoats”, “hypocrites”, and “pukes” during a Coach’s Corner segment on Thursday (October6 6), three former NHL enforcers announced today that they will seek further legal “recourse” against Don Cherry.

The joint statement was issued by Stu “The Grim Litigator” Grimson, Chris “Deposition” Nilan, and Jim “Jim Thomson” Thomson through the Nashville-based law firm where Grimson works.

Cherry’s comments were called “baseless and slanderous”, while his somewhat half-assed apology on Saturday—Cherry said he regretted “the ‘puke’ stuff with the kids listening and that”—was called “entirely ineffectual.” Cherry’s beef with the trio began when they came out against fighting; magically reinterpreted by Cherry to mean that they hate the troops and want to steal people's jobs (or something).

Wanna know what life is like for a Real Life Superhero? Then watch this completely insane video, which captures be-suited avenger Phoenix Jones trying to break up a brawl in downtown Seattle by running around a lot while sustaining numerous handbag attacks and dodging weaponized cars. At 4:50 you can hear the superhero calling 911 and complaining, “These girls were hitting us…”

Eventually, Jones and his camera-toting sidekick are chased by a mob. It’s not in the video, but it seems that when the cops finally showed up, they arrested the guy with the mask, the body armour, and the bear spray. Heck, why would they do that?

Vancouver has its own Real Life Superhero, although he’s not the type to wade into a brawl and flap his fat arse around until somebody tries to run him over—instead, Thanatos hands out food, water, and care packages in the Downtown Eastside.

Finally, Professor of paleontology Mark McMenamin told the annual meeting of the Geological Society of America in Minneapolis yesterday that the mysterious demise of the ichthyosaur was possibly due to a giant, intelligent, prehistoric tentacled beast residing in the darkest depths of the ocean. Or, to put it another way, turns out that the “Kraken” is actually more than just something I talk about during foreplay.