News for Youse: In an Objectivist world, nothing is free and we'll all smell like Macbooks
Oh, drat: there was an earthquake in Chile. And while Stephen Harper was there? And he's … aw, shucks. All reports say he's fine. Sorry to get your hopes up, gentle readers. But let that be a warning to other countries wanting to play host to our prime minister. If Harper shows up, the earth itself will attempt to swallow him.
Okay, we have little to no idea how this slid under our radar, but a coalition of Canadian companies is really upset about CBCmusic.ca, a friendly little website that streams music free of charge through the series of tubes that is the Interwebs. However, some private Canadian broadcast-media companies—including Quebecor, Stingray Digital, Cogeco Cable Inc., and the Jim Pattison Group—are just right pissed off. Since the CBC is daring to distribute music in a free sort of way (is the CBC run by peacenik hippies or something?), and since it's technically considered a nonprofit enterprise, the socialist public radio company is going to siphon away a gajillion dollars from those hard-working free-market capitalist corporations that don't prey on a gullible public at all. And golly gee willikers, that just ain't right!
This terrible show of greed, er, concern over private interests has borne what is possibly the best quote to ever appear in a newspaper: “The only music that you can hear for free is when the birds sing,” Stingray CEO Eric Boyko told the Globe and Mail.
Seriously, is that not the cutest, most Ayn Randian thing you've ever heard in your whole life? And just consider: if we'd sung it, you would have never heard it, y'know, since singing is now apparently only a capitalistic pursuit and no one better dream of having fun or making noise as long as Big Daddy Media might be able to make a buck off of it somewhere someday.
Looking for somewhere to live in Vancouver's abhorrent housing market? Were you also really into 1980s action television filmed in our fair province? Sounds like you need to head over to eBay and bid on MacGyver's former houseboat. Chances are the thing isn't wired with explosives, but considering the MacGyver connection, stay away from the paper clips and used chewing gum lying about, okay?
And finally, what can you get for the nerd who has everything? How about a signature Apple fragrance. Yes, now you too can smell like a Macbook Pro fresh out of the packaging. Okay, so it's actually a wacky art project created by a trio of Melbourne-based artists, but we're pretty sure those Randians (Randites? Is there a proper demonym for that?) are just itching to get their prickly little fingers all over it. After all, if it can be sold for profit, well... actually, that's really the end of our thought.
Follow Miranda Nelson on Twitter if you want. You don't have to. It's still a free country... for now.