News for Youse: Stephen Harper's a meanie, Hugo Chavez muses, and Jennifer Heil goes out on top

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      Progressive groups have been making the argument that Canada is becoming a meaner country under Prime Minister Stevie Wonder...I mean, Harper.

      The evidence isn’t hard to find—just check out the crime legislation, which will bring Texas-style justice to Canada.

      Today, those who say Stevie’s a meanie have more ammunition: the pending deportation of Ericka Gonzalez, who just gave birth to a lovely baby girl.

      The Vancouver woman, who has a work permit in Canada, married a guy from Iran, who was deported before the child was born. And next month, she’s going to be put on a plane to Mexico, where she claims she worked as an addictions counsellor before fleeing to escape a drug gang that wanted to kill her.

      Stevie has already forced a former KGB agent, Mikhail Lennikov, to spend the past three Christmases in sanctuary in a local church to avoid deportation. Why does Stevie want to separate his family? So the Conservatives could win a few Ukrainian-Canadian votes in Michael Ignatieff’s former Ontario riding, that's why. Of course, that’s not what you’ll read in the government’s news releases, but it’s the truth.

      Don’t expect Stevie to go soft on the Mexican woman’s kid now that he’s managed to separate her parents. For someone who liked to trumpet his family values before becoming prime minister, Stevie has a strange way of showing these values while in office.

      In other B.C. news, a volunteer firefighter has died in the North Okanagan community of Enderby when an explosion demolished a log-construction business. Another volunteer firefighter is injured, according to CBC.

      On the international front, Venezuela’s president, Hugo Chavez, has always had a theatrical side. Who can forget his visit in 2006 to the United Nations, when he ripped George W. Bush? “The devil came here yesterday,” Chavez declared, referring to the then president, “and it still smells of sulphur today.”

      This week, Chavez is back in the news by speculating that the American government is spreading cancer to leftist leaders in South America.

      "It would not be strange if they had developed the technology to induce cancer and nobody knew about it until now... I don't know. I'm just reflecting," Chavez said, according to Reuters.

      Chavez, Argentina’s Cristina Fernandez, Paraguay's Fernando Lugo, Brazil's Dilma Rousseff, and former Brazilian leader Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva have all been diagnosed with cancer. If Chavez’s musings are ever proven, that would be a level of meanness that even Harper hasn’t matched.

      Speaking of cruelty, there’s a new meanie in charge of North Korea, and it just might not be who you think it is. The world has been fixated on Kim Jong-un, the callow son of former dictator Kim Jong-il—a real laughing stock had he not starved so many of his own people.

      But in the newest offshoot of the academic parlour game known as Kremlinology, various experts are reading the tea leaves of the secretive and insane North Korean dictatorship to determine if, in fact, the young man’s uncle, Jang Song-thaek, is running the show.

      After reading that, you’re probably in the mood for something a little more upbeat. For starters, the Canucks won last night, defeating the San Jose Sharks 3-2 on an overtime goal by their newest sniper, Andrew Ebbett, who has pocketed three markers in two games. No matter that one bounced off his skate or that Kevin Bieksa did most of the heavy lifting on two of the goals.

      Meanwhile, Jennifer Heil has won the Bobbie Rosenfeld Award as the Canadian Press female athlete of the year of 2011. At the Vancouver Olympics, the freestyle mogul skier had to settle for the silver—and she didn’t look happy about that on the podium because she had earlier won the gold in Turin in 2006.

      This year, Heil wrapped up her career by winning the gold in the moguls and dual moguls at the world championships. Burnaby-raised soccer star Christine Sinclair came third in the voting. It’s the least the voters could do, considering that in the Women’s World Cup, Sinclair managed to score a goal with a broken nose.

      Eat your heart out, Bobby Baun.

      Follow Charlie Smith on Twitter at twitter.com/csmithstraight.

      Comments

      2 Comments

      DavidH

      Dec 29, 2011 at 12:36pm

      The author seems to suggest that Mr. Harper doesn't believe in "family values". Nothing could be further from the truth. The problem is that his definition of "family" doesn't match the reality of the world we live in.

      In Harper's world, "The Stepford Wives" is a documentary and not all zombies are bad. If you are white, protestant, middle class and completely disconnected from real human emotion, then you are a family.

      In Harper's world, there is his way or the highway. There is no such thing as a "grey area" on any issue. You love hockey, but in a weird, detached, obsessive way. You play music that is flat and dull, utterly without passion - like a mechanical device.

      It;s hard to imagine how much emotional damage he's done to what he calls his "family", but I'm betting that there will be several tell-all books coming in the years ahead. Daddy Dearest.

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      sleepswithangels

      Dec 29, 2011 at 12:40pm

      Charlie....you should write these missives with some vituperative authority and colour...like Adrian Mack.

      eg:

      "Progressive groups have been making the argument that Canada is becoming a meaner country under Prime Minister Cocksucker...I mean, Harper."

      "For someone who liked to trumpet his family values before becoming prime minister, the asshole who pretends he's human has a strange way of showing these values while in office."

      In other news: Dick "the prick" Nixon is revealed to have had carnal relations with reputed humanoid, Bebe Rebozo. Presidential scholars were quick to refute these allegations and insist that Rebozo was merely a growth on the end of Dick's "brain".

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