News for Youse: Ted Nugent urges voters to decapitate Democrats

Kitsilano has one less peeping tom today. Vancouver police have nabbed a man after a month long investigation, charging him with three counts of voyeurism and 15 counts of prowling. Residents were shocked to learn that their their bucolic neighbourhood around 6th and Macdonald had been targeted by the peeper, many of them wondering aloud why he didn’t just get an apartment in the West End and a pair of binoculars like everybody else?

Meanwhile, in an example of “science” getting in the way of our God-given right to do whatever crazy shit we feel like, two separate reports have emerged claiming that fracking leads to increased seismic activity. Hydraulic fracturing—in which natural gas is released by high-intensity blasts of water, chemicals, and sand aimed into the ground— already has a rep only marginally better than secretly dumping toxic waste upstream from a kid's cancer ward, but fortunately there’s always somebody to provide the voice of reason.

In this case, a seismologist with Natural Resources Canada told CTV that an unnatural increase in the number of “small earthquakes” is nothing to worry about while there’s “no evidence at this point of large or damaging earthquakes associated with this process." Clearly, the man isn’t acquainted with the basic physical principles embodied by either Jenga or Ker-Plunk!, although muddying a clear issue with doubt might be something he grasps.

Elsewhere in the world of right-thinking men, Ted Nugent told an NRA convention over the weekend that Obama is “wiping his ass” with the Constitution, and urged fellow lunatics to thin the numbers of Democrat voters by “chopping their heads off”. The Nuge also predicted that pending an Obama win, “I will be either be dead or in jail by this time next year.” We can but Hope.