News for Youse: Toronto mayor Rob Ford enters Paranoia-Land, accuses reporter of "spying" on him

On very rare occasions, we sometimes think it would be fun to live in Toronto. Not for its lack of trees, concrete skyline, or that weird smell that comes off the lake in the summer—and also not-summer.

No, it's because of its mayor, Rob Ford. Now, we mean no disrespect to Mayor Gregor, but dude, you're just a little boring in comparison to TO's rotund conspiracy nut. We mean, that bike-lane controversy was mildly exciting, and people seem to get really riled up about chickens or wheat or hockey or whatever, but to the best of our knowledge, you've never chased a reporter away from your property while shaking your fist and screaming at him for "spying on you".

But that's what happened to Toronto Star city hall reporter Daniel Dale on Wednesday (May 2) while he was looking into a story about Ford's interest in buying some public parkland near his home from the Toronto and Region Conservation Authority. The reporter, who was on public property at the time, was taking photos of trees and fencing; the mayor maintains that Dale was standing on cinderblocks and photographing Ford's house.

Dale says the mayor exited his house and started screaming at him, demanding to know if Dale was spying on him.

“At some point, perhaps 10 or 15 seconds into the encounter, he cocked his fist near his head and began charging at me at a full run," Dale told the Toronto Star. "I began pleading with him, as loud as I could, with my hands up, for him to stop. I yelled, at the top of my lungs, something like, ‘Mayor Ford, I’m writing about the land! I’m just looking at the land! You’re trying to buy the TRCA land!’ ”

How unhinged and awesome that is? Not only has our mayor never lobbied the Vancouver Park Board to sell him some land so he can build a massive security fence to keep out the hoards of people who are apparently spying on him all of the time, but he's also never chased down NPA hacks reporters who were just tryin' to write a fuckin' news story, for fuck's sake.

Gregor, consider this a friendly request to step up your game a little. Signing a letter in support marijuana legalization would be gutsy in, say, Alberta, but we simply see it as a long-overdue and greatly needed policy change here in ol' Vansterdam.

And Mr. Ford? Get your head out of your ass. No one is spying on you. You must be making good scratch as the Mayor of the Centre of the Universe ($167,769.94 plus expenses? Another win for Toronto!), so here's an idea that won't waste the time of the TRCA: find a new place to live. And don't put your home address in the phone book this time.

From the too-much-money-to-function file: Virgin Airlines has put Richard Branson's face on its ice cubes so first-class travelers can have disturbing nightmares about people drowning in their drinks. Four designers spent six weeks developing the creepily detailed "Little Richard" ice cubes, proving yet again that life is far too hard for the rich.

Okay, we're a little weirded out by the following video.

It's just a harmless little video-game trailer for Call of Duty: Black Ops II, no big deal, right? But if we didn't have our critical thinking caps on, we'd be quick to call that U.S. Army propaganda. Appeal to emotion, depersonalizing the enemy, using imagery of the Guy Fawkes mask to imply, what? That Anonymous is the real threat to U.S. security? Geez, even retired U.S. Marine Corps officer Oliver North shows up. Is this advertisement or recruitment? We barely even know anymore.

Oh, and just so you're prepared the world is going to end on June 30, 2012, at least according to Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda, who claims to be both Jesus Christ and the apostle Paul. However, all we have to do is get "666" tattooed on our body and we'll be saved from the brimstone. Wait, are we sure this isn't just clever viral marketing for tattoo parlours? What's that thing called where you can no longer distinguish fact from fiction? We think we're coming down with it.

You might as well follow Miranda Nelson on Twitter since she's probably spying on you anyway.

Comments (4) Add New Comment
Jawny Tee
I gather you dated little Daniel Dale in the past...I guess it is fine if somebody snaps photos in your backyard..."dude????" ...who hired you mommy or daddy
Rating: -3
Not only is the news weird, but the comments are weirder. I long for the good old days of the Roadrunner cartoon.
Didn't good old Ollie do some illegal stuff for the supposedly good of the USA and than lie about it?
Rating: +1
Researchers now believe 616 is the number of the beast.

666 is the fax number of the beast.
Rating: +2
Rob, that silent treatment you're giving the TO media - any chance you could expand on that?
Rating: -4
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