News for Youse: UN blasts Canadian economic disparity, government ponders relocating unemployed losers
What, no doctorin’ or lawyerin’ jobs in your depressed little corner of Canada? Then move, whiner. This would appear to be yet another progressive strategy receiving quiet consideration by our government, as it seeks to creatively undermine that greatest of burdens—employment insurance.
Yesterday, News for Youse honored no-nonsense Finance Minister Jim Flaherty for chiding all those out-of-work Canadians who refuse to take jobs as hockey referees because it’s somehow beneath them (we believe this was the gist of his message).
Today, we shift our praiseful gaze upon the Human Resources Department which commissioned a small study in June asking EI recipients in Quebec and Atlantic Canada: "What type of migration incentives could encourage EI clients to accept a job that requires a residential move?"
Cutting off their damn benefits would be the biggest incentive, but these things need to be done incrementally. News of the study happened to surface the same day that a United Nations report blasted Canada for its growing economic inequality. Our natural leaders responded in the appropriate manner, employing what’s known in political circles as the Withnail Parry:
Never one to disappoint, a well-fed Jason Kenney blasted ‘em right back, flapping his white gloves about and shifting attention to the far more critical job of protecting this nation’s honour, sir, just like his advisors told him to:
“It would be our hope that the contributions we make to the United Nations are used to help starving people in developing countries,” Kenney fumed, “not to give lectures to wealthy and developed countries like Canada.”
Health Minister Leona Aglukkaq further hit the nail on the head when she called UN right-to-food envoy Olivier De Schutter, “a bit patronizing.” One hopes that the next time some privileged bleeding heart egghead comes to our country to say things like:
“What I’ve seen in Canada is a system that presents barriers for the poor to access nutritious diets and that tolerates increased inequalities between rich and poor, and aboriginal non-aboriginal peoples…”
… he or she will exercise enough grace to keep their opinions to themselves. It’s a slippery slope into barbarism otherwise.
Same goes for Morgan Freeman, who’s come under scrutiny by Time Warner shareholders for his political views. Execs had noted that the film Dolphin Tale almost certainly floundered at the box office thanks to Mr. Freeman’s opinion, rendered on Piers Morgan Tonight, that the Tea Party is somehow “racist.” (C'mon, why else would it bomb?)
"What specific steps will Time Warner take to ensure that Mr Freeman avoids such divisive and insulting words while promoting his next Warner Bros film, The Dark Knight Rises?" asked David Ridenour at an annual shareholders meeting.
As much as we admire his passion, News for Youse feels compelled to remind Mr. Ridenour—a one-time Reagan campaigner who runs this fine, science-based conservative policy research outfit— that it doesn’t matter what these woolly-headed Hollywood liberals go around saying as long as they’re still appearing in ultra-reactionary, crypto-fascist propaganda juggernauts like The Dark Knight Rises. But maybe his little think tank can figure that out for him further down the line.