News for Youse: Watch what you tweet; homeland security is watching

Need more incentive to watch what you say online? Sometimes it can get you interrogated by homeland security and shipped out of the country. At least that's what happened to Leigh Van Bryan and Emily Bunting after Van Bryan tweeted about getting ready to "destroy America". The pair were taken into custody at Los Angeles International Airport and held for 12 hours. The destruction in question? If the U.S. Department of Homeland Security had a dictionary of British slang handy, they would've realized the only thing that was under threat of being wrecked was Van Bryan's liver.

Really these two should have come through New York City; at LaGuardia, potential pipe bombs just get left lying around for hours.

Hmm, maybe not New York City after all: their police dogs carry infrared cameras now.

In other highly riveting Twitter news: Ashton Kutcher blocks journalists from following his account! And his profile picture is now just a black square. Guys, this is definitely one of the signs of the apocalypse. If Kutcher isn't desperately seeking attention from the huddled masses, there's truly something wrong in the universe. The next portents to look out for? A new Bryan Adams tour, the disappearance of any and all Kardashian news, and locusts. Like, lots of them.

Okay, how about a real reason to get off the fucking Internet: nothing you do is private. Remember, kiddies. If you're getting something for free, you're the product being sold. Try to keep that in mind the next time you press that bloody thumb's up button or post yet another stupid cat video to your Facebook wall as it will be stored forever on a server in Facebook's $210 million data center in Prineville, Oregon.

Oh, who are we kidding? We love stupid cat videos. Especially this one.

Follow the increasingly paranoid Miranda Nelson on Twitter.