Regrettably, women now allowed to golf
In perhaps the clearest example of political correctness gone mad since they stopped us from using the word darkies, the Augusta National Golf Club is opening its exclusive membership roll to women. That's right, women—with their crying, and the hormones, and all that yak yak yak.
Situated in its namesake town in Georgia, the Augusta opened in 1933 on the site of an old plantation and on top of the bones of a lot of dead slaves, thus explaining the origin of the title Masters Tournament, which has been hosted by the club since 1934.
While women have (under strict supervision) been permitted to golf on its luxurious greens as guests, Chairman Billy Payne announced today that former national security advisor Condoleezza Rice is one of two female-types being granted membership at Augusta for the first time. The other is Darla Moore, the VP of a private investment firm and, according to Wikipedia, “a pioneering woman in the banking industry.”
Reaction among club staff and members has been mixed. Groundsman Carl Spackler expressed excitement over the decision but found it difficult to articulate his thoughts through all the heavy breathing. An outraged Judge Elihu Smails, on the other hand, snapped an historic mashie niblick over his knee and then attacked his idiot nephew Spaulding with a hat.This isn’t the first ill-advised policy change undertaken by the Augusta. In 1990, and after much brouhaha, the course was finally opened to darkies.
You can follow Adrian Mack's contribution to the lobotomizing techno-nightmare known as Twitter at @AdrianMacked.