The Spigot: Baltic UFO update—it was built by the Nazis!
Is the massive, Baltic Sea UFO an anti-submarine device built by the Nazis? A former Swedish naval officer believes that it is, and the Ocean X research team currently studying the object thinks he might be onto something.
As reported in the ever-reliable Daily Mail, World War II expert Anders Autellus reckons that the Ocean X team has stumbled upon the remains of a device designed to scramble the radar signals of Russian and British submarines.
Team X explorer Stefan Hogeborn has backed up Autellus’ theory, pointing out the object lies directly beneath a route used by the Nazis to ship ball-bearings. It might also explain the equipment failure experienced by Team X whenever they approached the object.
So there you go. Apologies to anyone who feels cheated by the sensational headline; we realize there’s a rich history of high-grade bullshit out there concerning super-advanced propulsion systems, anti-gravity machines, and “The Bell”, but the Spigot tends to view that stuff as a distraction from the suitably appalling Nazi tech that really was smuggled into the West’s national security apparati after WW II. We happen to feel a little cheated by that.
Still, a good conspiracy theory has its uses. Take the kiddie-shrimper who was busted for inappropriately licking the feet of two underage girls at an upstate New York library earlier this week. Speaking to reporters after his arrest, the perp claimed, “I am being set up by President Barack Obama and the city and the federal government."
We hope he gets the chance to prove it. In any case, there are other serial Obama conspiracy-theorists who might want consider such a splendid defence. The next time Rush Limbaugh gets busted carrying a bag of Viagra out of a Caribbean hotspot known for child prostitution, for instance, he’ll have an iron-clad excuse.
You can follow Adrian Mack's contribution to the lobotomizing techno-nightmare known as Twitter at @AdrianMacked.