The Spigot: NYPD goes nuts, Penn State gets sacked, and Piers Morgan shits himself

The Occupy Guitarmy began its march from Philadelphia to New York on July 5, in honour of Woody Guthrie’s 100th birthday. At Zucotti Park yesterday, the city’s finest— “the best police department in the world,” according to Mayor Bloomberg—gave the peaceful marchers a New York welcome, cracking heads and arresting people on suspicion of playing drums.

Once again, as you can see at the end of the video below, it was a geriatric woman who ended up kissing the concrete. If Woody’s guitar said “This machine kills fascists”, perhaps the average NY cop should have “This cretin pwns old ladies” stencilled across his always ample white ass. The Spigot doffs its hat to the ironic sax player, by the way.

As former Penn State assistant coach Jerry Sandusky awaits sentencing for 45 counts of “teaching hygiene” to minors, former FBI director Louis Freeh wrapped up his investigation into the scandal, concluding that "the most powerful men at Penn State failed to take any steps for 14 years to protect the children who (assistant coach Jerry) Sandusky victimized."

The former FBI director was hired by Penn State officials to lead the independent investigation, suggesting that whatever Freeh is stating publicly likely conceals something even worse. That would be the Spigot’s jaundiced take on the whole thing, at any rate. Freeh added that disgraced coach Joe Paterno “"was an integral part of (the) active decision to conceal" Sandusky’s activities, but that probably won’t stop people from genuflecting at the feet of the winningest coach in the school’s history.

Meanwhile in the dream factory, we quite enjoyed watching Piers Morgan shit himself while Robert Blake lost his mind on CNN last night. “Nobody tells me I’m a liar,” snaps Blake at one point, having been probed by Morgan on the shooting death of his wife Bonnie Lee Bakely. “We better start talking about the Little Rascals,” he warns, to which Morgan replies, “Okay, did you shoot Alfalfa?”

You can follow Adrian Mack's contribution to the lobotomizing techno-nightmare known as Twitter at @AdrianMacked.