Those crazy bastards at CERN have broken the speed of light (possibly)
Not content with possibly creating black holes and vials full of Universe-devouring anti-matter (oh wait, I’m confusing real life with the movie Angels & Demons), those complete nutters at CERN—home to the Large Hadron Collider—have gone and broken the speed of light.
In an experiment called OPERA, physicists used what we assume was a big, cool-looking laser cannon-type machine stationed on a hill (like in Kate Bush’s “Cloudbusting” video) to shoot 15,000 beams of neutrinos between two labs in different countries.
To their surprise, they discovered that the neutrinos moved at 60 nanoseconds quicker than the speed of light over the 730km between Geneva and Gran Sasso, Italy—a vast improvement over the National Express coach service, which takes days to get there. According to the theory of relativity, not only is this impossible, but super-duper double impossible (x 10), while according to the Terminator movies, this means that the particles arrived before they even left.
CERN brainiac Antonio Ereditato told Reuters that, "We have high confidence in our results. But we need other colleagues to do their tests and confirm them.” In the event that CERN is correct, Einstein will finally be debunked as the no-nothing idiot his math teacher always said he was.