Top 10 things to do when the SkyTrain breaks down

The rash of recent SkyTrain malfunctions that took place during peak travel times (three in the past two weeks, by my count) got me thinking. What can you do to keep yourself occupied when you’re packed so tight that you can’t reach your bag, book, smartphone, iPad, or iPod? Here’s my list of hands-free things you can do until that stationary tuna can called the SkyTrain gets moving again.

10. Pretend that the accidental second base you scored on the person standing next to you was actually accidental.

9. Debate whether to order in or go out for food. Whenever you get home after this ordeal, you’re definitely not going to feel like cooking for yourself.

8. Plan your escape route in case of emergency, taking into account expendable passengers.

7. Replay recent movies in your head, with yourself in the starring role. You’re a way better actor than Robert Pattinson, right?

6. Decide which curse you’re going to burden TransLink with. Like displeased royalty everywhere, we are not amused.

5. Try to covertly read the newspaper of the person in front of you without seeming creepy. It’s pretty tough.

4. Attempt to teleport yourself off the SkyTrain to someplace that doesn’t smell like stank.

3. Come up with an incredibly creative string of curse words. Something that the dad from A Christmas Story would be proud of.

2. Play a rousing game of What’s That Odour? Hint–you lose if you’re the one who dealt it.

1. Try to remember why you take public transit in the first place.

You can follow Jennie Ramstad on Twitter at twitter.com/jennieramstad.