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The world's top 10 musician jokes target mostly classical players
What's the difference between a cello and a coffin? The coffin has the corpse inside.
I was cleaning up my desk today and came across an old photocopy of a list of "Musician Jokes" that a fellow Straight staffer had laid on me ages ago. A few of them made me chuckle out loud, so I'm passing them on to others who, in light of the latest Mel Gibson rants, might need a good laugh. Most of the jokes are at the expense of classical musicians, which for some reason makes them seem funnier. Feel free to tell them to your buddies next time you're heading to an Iron Maiden show.
What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline? You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
What's the difference between playing an English horn solo and wetting your pants? Both give you a warm feeling but no one else cares.
What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead trombonist in the road? Skid marks in front of the snake.
What's the range of a tuba? Twenty yards if you've got a good arm.
What's the difference between an oboe and an onion? Nobody cries when you chop up an oboe.
What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain? Gifted.
How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb? Five. One to handle the bulb and the other four to contemplate how David Sanborn would have done it.
What's the difference between a cello and a coffin? The coffin has the corpse inside.
What's the difference between a dead trombonist in the road and a dead country singer in the road? The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.
What do violists use for birth control? Their personalities.
You can follow Steve Newton on Twitter at twitter.com/earofnewt.
What's the difference between a terrorist and a female soprano? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
What do you do with a drummer who can't drum? Take away one of his stick, put him in the front, and call him the conductor.
Why do they have bass players in bands? To interpret for the drummer.
Man, I have a lot of bad drummer jokes.
A guy who likes to hang out with musicians.
What's the difference between a viola and a cello? A cello burns longer.
How many lead guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb? Five, one to change the bulb, four to rave about how they could have done it better.
What do you call an accordion player with a pager? An optimist.
'Cause that's the sound it makes when you step on it.
So he could park in the handicapped space.
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