Feeling so hopeless, so angry about life in general. Recently I've been spending a lot of money on music gear. I recorded a song. it rules so hard! Music keeps ya sane. Making stuff keeps ya sane! 9 out of 10 doctors agree!
I've been reading/writing these for years so I was pretty shocked. I don't mean I found a confession I relate to. I mean it was about me specifically, and not in the I-think-its-about-me kind of way. It's about me. And I'm a few years late in reading it.
for GS censoring my drunken, angry post. I was so relieved to see that it wasn't posted.
When I was little, I was a bit of an odd fish. I never made friends easily. I was always picked on. My interests were anything but typical for either a boy my age or an adult even unless one was a professor. My mother had me assessed by a child psychologist, who quickly slapped the extremely high functioning Aspergers label on me. While mum I think wanted to understand me because she loved me and worried about how I'd grow up, one thing she did in the process of that was make it publicly known to my teachers, family members, her friends. While for her, a label gave her an answer, for me it was like it slapped me with a huge burden like as though I were mentally challenged, and I've never forgotten that. It stings. My sister and dad treated like shit because of it. Fast forward the clock, I'm now in my late 20s, I live on my own, I have a job of my own where my strange talents and personality are put to great use, I did up until May have a phenomenally forgiving and loving girlfriend, and poor old mum... unfortunately died from cancer. It took me years to ever admit what I had, by myself, to only one person. Things haven't come easy for me, and while I'm out to lunch more often than not, I wish I should show her and those who thought of me as a freak how strong I turned out. Yes, I need time, help, patience sometimes because I process my world differently from others and generally fly solo. When I'm alone with my own thoughts, I can get scared, be irrational, or just experience the same feelings everyone else has on everything from romance to grieving. I'm far from perfect and I'm sorry to those who my sometimes Picasso paining-like logic has either unimpressed or broken the heart of, but for what it's worth, please let me be me. Guide me and get to know me but don't give up on me. It may take me a bit to reach my potential in the colourful way with which I go about life, and sometimes I'm a bitch to deal with, but give me a chance (or two, or three) and you won't regret it.
I think I have borderline personality disorder.
I regularly read posts here about how hard Vancouver is to be happy in.
I don't disagree completely with people's reasons but I can't understand why so many people get mad with the city for not being happy. Just because we're not for you doesn't mean we are the cause of your feeling of rejection.
Vancouver, British Columbia: the largest city in the most peaceful corner of Earth. I am proud to say that I was born and raised in Metro Vancouver. I'm a first generation Canadian of mixed race so being on the West Coast of Canada affords me so many rights that my ancestors never had the privilege of exercising.
Surrounded by beautiful nature and small towns not far away for the cozy quaint feeling, this space is very young in the context of development when compared globally to other cities our size.
The city itself has a short but rich history. Fascinatingly, we've had some growing pains every time we've been on the world stage in the last few decades ('86 Expo, '97 Hong Kong Independence Financial Scare, '10 Olympics) because we can never somehow learn the best way to deal with the inevitable influx of interest with each major event.
Yes, it is expensive. Yes, it is hard to navigate socially. Yes, it is a lot of work to participate in the culture. Yes, the transit is lacking. Yes, we are outgrowing our civil resources. Yes, the political landscape is upsetting. Yes, education is for the elite or indebted. Yes, there is corruption and crime.
HOWEVER: Many of us fight to afford this by working as much as possible and being frugal. Then we go out and make new friends. We invite those friends to the many, many incredible events happening on the downlow around this city. On those nights we leave the party early to catch the last night bus home or close down the bar at a stupidly early hour only to afterparty at the beach and walk home. We forgive how stretched our services are by sweeping the street ourselves but also then fight for our rights and well being by reading up on who represents us in government. While we are at it, we educate ourselves on everything else with books from our incredible libraries (digitally available, BTW) and the endless tool that is online access where you can research nearly anything for a low monthly rate of your internet bill (or if you're as broke as most of us are, you can be gifted Neighbournet privileges by your fantastically generous neighbors in exchange for dragging in their waste bins once a week). We look out for each other and stand up for what is fair.
In between it all we also volunteer in our community, smile at strangers and pick up litter in our local parks.
Some folks better than me do even more for this place. I'm not even one of the scene makers, just someone who participates.
Vancouver isn't for everyone because you need to hustle hard to make it work and that takes some conviction, risk taking and self awareness. Enjoyment of the real spirit of this city isn't easy to earn but it is well worth it when you do. I've lived in cities in other countries that were friendlier and some less friendly than Vancouver, but nothing is better for me than this place.
I'm going to stick around as long as I possibly can and do everything I can to make this place great. I will fight for this city. I may eventually get priced out but until that happens I will contribute to the vibrance of Vancouver instead of complaining about how much a city has failed me and then storming off to Toronto or Montreal.
To those who leave us because of the many challenges: we will genuinely miss you but would prefer if you could not shit talk us on the way out. Thank you and happy travels! We wish you better luck in your new home.
WTF happens to people when they have kids? Why are you bombarding everyone's FB newsfeed with photo after photo of your baby sitting around/drooling/generally just doing nothing? 95% of your Facebook friends don't give a shit and you're just being annoying.
I'm really afraid to lose the person I love the most. Death sucks.
I deactivated my facebook 4 days ago...I haven't missed it a single bit!
Power to the people, man!
yes I had heard all the horror stories about Vancouver , the job market is dismal, the people are even worse, the cost of day to day things are astronomical, it's simply boring compared to Eastern Canada, but I still gave it a chance, I wen't there with a positive attitude and open mind.
Yet within days the Vancouver story that I so often heard about began to play out for me almost exactly as how people told me it would.
on day 5 I simply glanced at a guy for 2 seconds when he yelled 'what are you looking at' and almost punched me out before I ran away , I didn't expect Vancouver men to have such short tempers, I was scared, what if I accidently stepped on a guy's foot I might get stabbed.
after encountering alot of unfriendly pretentious people, and abuse and workplace bullying in a fairly low-paying job (by Toronto standards), a rash of greedy and dishonest landlords the likes of which i had never seen in TO or MO , I gave up !!!! the smaller city of Vancouver beat me , it's just a depressing place to live unless you are one of those coddled inheritor class Vancouverites.
so i'm heading back to a much bigger city, Toronto where people and the city are far more down to earth and respectable
I just wanted to be the third person to use that title in a couple weeks.
The last time I had an alcoholic beverage was three nights ago and during this night I realized something: alcohol is gross and I think I might be done with these 4am nights and watching my friends get wasted. I used to be all down for those couple shots and dancing kind of nights, now I feel like puking in my mouth just at the sight of any alcohol. I think my health science classes/textbooks are to explain for this. I guess my "party phase" is over and I'm only 20!
Also, I confess it's not pretty seeing people so pissed theyre falling over, especially when it's a close friend.
the thing is, I am scared shitless that this phase will come back to bite me when I am older because all my friends say, "this is what being 20 is supposed to be like. you dont want to be partying with guys in their 20s when youre 30, do you?"
I am also scared that I will lose a handful of good friends over this...
I feel like one when crossing the street because of all of the tweeter texter 'drivers' out there hurling at me like headless horsepeople.
I wish they were able to talk to me. That is all.
Words cannot express how happy I am about being a dad-to-be! It took me a long time to trust myself and in my wife that I can do this. I don't want to cause the disappoint, hurt and neglect I used to feel. I've never believed in being a dad because I'm capable of being a sperm donor. I had a sperm donor dad and he was never anywhere to be found. Some say and think that the past is in the past, but I don't think that's entirely true. Sometimes the past finds a way to repeat as a cycle. I can say with confidence I will not let that happen. I will not be the sperm donor "dad" I had. Kid, I can't wait to love you and you're not even here but you already bring tears to my eyes.