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Intimidated by sex

Well, I'm a virgin, and I think I'm going to sleep with this great person I've started dating. I just feel ready, so I'm not super scared of it…but what I am intimidated by more is oral sex. It just sort of freaks me out…I have absolutely no idea how to do it properly and make it "good". I feel like it would just be awkward. Plus, honestly, putting a penis in my mouth doesn't sound especially appealing…but, we'll see. I guess I should go to a sex seminar/workshop eh?

Human Resources

We never had an hr dept at my work until recently. Ive read that the hr person is usually the most anti social and sociopathic one in the company but I never believed it. Until I met ours. Why are they always bullies?

I have no life of my own

I've completely wiped myself out financially trying to finish my program, get my certification, complete my board exam, etc and my investment has resulted in nothing but being dismissed at interviews for not having years of experience. I only have about 2 months of rent before my credit line is maxed out. Meanwhile my friends are going on about how much their property values have increased over the years and plans to have kids and get a bigger house. Their parents paid to put them through school and let them live at home to collect their income to put towards cars and downpayments. They've been set up in stable careers for years and go on regular vacations. They are all excited planning out baby showers and as much as I'd like to help out I'm not really in a position to shower them with gifts at this point when I'm not sure when someone will give me the opportunity to work again. I know that eventually I will work again but in the meantime I'm in a constant state of anxiety because I don't know when and what will happen when I max myself out in debt just to pay basic expenses like food and rent in the meantime. I'll have to find a way to pay all that I'm living on now back with interest on top of that. I'm living on borrowed time. I live in a basement suite of a house my friend owns which I'm grateful for because it's relatively cheap but I feel stuck. It's good temporarily but I don't want to live out my whole life here, dormant. I never have anyone over because they come knocking, prying into who I might be associating with. I don't play music except on headphones. If I make any noise it's like an invitation. I basically feel like I have to be quiet enough that it's like I'm not around otherwise it's assumed that I have nothing to do but help them build their lives up and set mine aside. I feel like I just can't build my own life like this. I just get to watch others live while life passes me by because I can't afford to participate, only watch from the sidelines. It's frustrating and I don't know how to break the cycle. People say you get back what you put into life but I feel like all my input is for other people's lives not mine. Maybe that's just my place in the world. I don't know. But I'd like my own career/life/space to build something but I don't have access to resources to build from. I don't have a family so I don't need a house. Just a place where I am free to have people over and not feel like I'm in a bunker hiding out.

Move on they say

Find someone else they say. Obviously she doesn't care they say. Well, yeah. That's clear. However, I feel like I'm searching for a needle in a haystack and it's extremely pointless when I KNOW where the needle is. JUST LOVE ME! Or at least update your social media so I have some new creeping material.

Waste of life

Only an insane person would continue to self destruct the way I've been doing for years. I don't know why I can't stop drinking and doing drugs. I'm such a waste of space and anyone who knows me would agree. I want to end my life most days but I'm too scared and couldn't do that to my family although I feel they would be better off without me as a burden in their lives. I pray to the universe to show me a light at the end of the tunnel but I'm still crawling through the dark. I want a way out so badly. I'm in a lot of emotional pain.

Advice

Advice to the employed. Don't tell me that I am not working hard enough in finding work.

Hermithood

Sometimes (more often than not) being a self-sufficient, self-dependent, remote and single hermit is quite a nice damn life... As long as you have productive hobbies, a pet (maybe), and the freedom to travel, who the hell needs people and lovers?

Truth

I can't wait until the end of this week, when my coworkers finally find out that I've been promoted and will now be their boss. I'm not excited because I can't wait to lord over them. On the contrary, I'm excited because I can finally stop lying to everyone about all the change that is imminent in the air. It's been months in coming and I'm surprised no one's guessed yet. I'm not looking forward to relationships changing but I guess that's life.

Job Market in Vancouver

The job market in Vancouver sucks. Being unemployed sucks. I have been networking and sending out job applications. To the people who whine about work....being unemployed is the worse! To deal with HR staff is a joke. Please to the HR person who chewed gum while calling me that I did not get a job because they gave it to the cousin of a co worker. Really? Very professional!

Single in the City

I've been a single male in this city for the past year and dating is an interesting affair. I constantly see posts about women wanting a guy who is similar to me, but then my reply to them never comes back. So I'm going to try something new. Recently I won two tickets to a VSO plus a free dinner a nice downtown hotel. I would like to take a female to this and make a night of it. I might be an old school punk but Beethoven's 9th is one of my favs and I would like to take a woman out to show her a good time with the possibility of it turning into something else. Currently I don't have a girlfriend or anyone in the wings so I though I would put posters up in the downtown area asking for a date with an email address to reach me it. I have no idea what sort of reaction I'll get, I'm not trying to be creepy or weird, just meet someone for a potential relationship.

At a loss

I have a wonderful wife, a decent job, a nice house, and vacation overseas every couple years. There is nothing wrong with my life, but nevertheless I can't stop drinking. It's taken over my whole life and I don't know what to do. I've tried everything, and I'm at the end of my rope. My wife deserves so much better.

The best (or worst?)

I've had several guys (4 out of a total of 9) tell me my blow job is the best they've ever had. I've always just assumed it was a (pretty bad) line, though I've never really been able to figure out what they think they'll gain by using it.

Not my one

I may have found that person who could be the one. But he is a she. And she can't be with me. Because of my family and for she is with someone else. In another lifetime hopefully I'll find another one.

I SAW YOU

Books and glances at Prado

I usually never do this, but we exchanged a series of glances this afternoon. You sat near me for...

THINGS TO READ THINGS TO DO