Search confessions

What I Want

First time I meet a man I want it to be amazing. Similar to the Ferris Wheel scene in the Notebook. Then on our first date I want to be absolutely swept off my feet. There has to be electricity in the air and fireworks. Sadly the men in this city think going for coffee is a great first date especially when they expect me to pay for my own coffee. I mean its $2.00. Not exactly breaking the bank. Just makes you seem cheap. I have no problems with splitting meals and movie tickets. I just want to be swept off my feet by the most amazing handsome and gentle man.

Cancer sucks but I'm painfully optimistic

Cancer sucks. It really does. And honestly I'm naturally painfully optimistic. Being a caregiver is arduous and underrated especially if your the main person. The whole experience is one he'll of a roller coaster. Cancer tears families apart and has a history of ruining marriages. I'm temporarily at least I hope it's temporary separated from a partner who has cancer. I'm holding out on the hope that we can get through this and we're close to being done this marathon. Partner and I got in a huge fight and it escalated. I'll spare you the details. But long story short we said it's over yet I'm not ready to say good bye especially since we're almost in the clear. I've been here since the diagnosis and I still want to make the relationship work. Call me insane call me a masochist. But really I'm just in live and thought that's what we were going to be. I'll be waiting by my phone hoping we can get through this last mile and we can look back at this hell and laugh at the insanity the beast brought. Not sure how this is going to end or start or continue on.....

What happened to our humanity in this town?

I was on the sky train a few nights ago. A gentleman was fairly loud and crying over the phone in a language other than English. I suppose someone found that offensive and pressed the silent alarm on the yellow strip, because a few minutes after two transit police staff came and literally "collected" him. As if that was not enough, someone found this amusing and recorded it on their cell phone. I feel so terrible for not walking up to him and asking if he needed something or if there was anything I could do. We think of nothing on providing some 'sterilised' version of charity because someone in another continent may need it. Yet, when it comes to our own backyard, we are too quick to get offended. Since when are displays of human emotions offensive? How can we change this?

I don't know how to tell you...

I've sent you 5 anonymous letters now. I've been beside you every time you open them... we laugh and talk about how novel it is to receive kind mail. Yesterday you ordered a Ship Love by Post for her... my heart shattered as I told you how sweet you were. I will still send you sweet letters even if you'll never know....

I hate flowers

Why is it that all men feel the need to give cut flowers as a gift? Sure they look good but then they die in just over a week and it's so wasteful. Throwing he flowers away is a pain in the but. I keep telling all the men I've dated to get me something that lasts like a potted plant or don't waste their money but they don't listen. Is there anyone else that agrees or am I just crazy?

I can't be here anymore

There is something about this person that makes me feel worthless and sad. I just don't understand how someone can be so perfect in every way. I haven't felt this way in a very long time, and I don't like being brought back here. I have spent too much time and energy building myself up and doing things with my life. Time to move on.

See no , hear no , speak no.

I have lived here for almost twenty years and I have not met one single infamous " I'm so intimidating to men they can't even speak to me" woman. Where is this fabled awesome woman who has her life in order and takes care of herself. She walks with style and a body language that says I'm not scared. She has friends not frenemies, isn't addicted to her cellphone and thinks yoga is cultish. I would really like to meet one of these ladies because I'm sure we would get along just fine and rock this place. I enjoy sharing long nights of stimulating conversations and the awesome sex that intelligent brings but dating here feels like a choose your own adventure book with pages missing. I keep meeting women who date rejects and ones that seem broken down from a guy she met decades ago. Asexual seems the norm here and forget about romance and flirting, it simply seems to confuse ladies here. A joke anywhere else is insulting here and I'm not sure what happened to this place before I moved here but I can't wait to move East. I have been mislead about the culture in B.C. but my experience in T.O. or Montreal says this place isn't even Canadian by any standards, nobody sticks up for anybody in any situation and there is no soul here. I put in my best foot forward to no avail which is mind blowing since I posses what most guys lack here, a stable job, friends, an actual skill that requires intelligence, hard worker and lots of ethics. I honestly know over two hundred guys and only three women. Too bad, I really liked the seawall and waking up to the stunning summers by the waterfront but I don't wear nice shoes everyday so I think that was the deal breaker or so I'm told. Another guy checking out of hotel wannabe California with a one way ticket.

Count me out

I seriously resent it when acquaintances and friends arrange to celebrate their birthdays at restaurants with $40-50 mains. I can't afford my own meal there, and I definitely can't afford to chip into paying for someone else's $50 steak + appies + drinks + tip on top of that. And I don't like you enough to put it on my credit card at 19% interest. See you another time. Maybe you'll respect other people's financial situations by then.

I Keep Forgetting

When I was young, I was really shy, had a nervous laugh and what could be considered a speech impediment. Now I don't hold back when it comes to speaking the truth, but keep forgetting that most people can't handle it when you do.

Given Up

Why are all the men I meet immature and takers? They don't care about anyone but themselves. Why don't they want to watch a romantic movie with me? Or kiss on the top of a mountain at dawn. Or tell me how beautiful I am once in awhile? I have been cheated on again and again. I give my heart and soul to these men and they don't care. They just take, take, and take. I have given up on finding a man.


My coworker is in her mid-20s, working her first job. And it really shows in her lack of work ethic, let alone her abilities. While none of the things she does really effects my work (other than having to repeat instructions frequently) it BUGS me. So many qualified people would love to have a professional entry level job like hers (incidentally she was hired because she knows people), but she doesn't seem to take it seriously. Actual work aside, I can't understand how daily lateness for the 2 months she's worked there hasn't gotten her dismissed. Our bosses are a little too tolerant. She's a nice person, would be fun to have at parties but yeah.

Damn my insecurity

I feel like I'm in danger of ruining an awesome relationship due to my being insecure and getting upset when my partner doesn't seem 'into it' when they're stressed, sick etc. I just need to cut them a break, not worry about it, and quit taking it so damn personally. Why is that so hard?

T.E.D. is e.v.i.l

The elite worker zombies at ted tried to pull fast one on us by making us all wear badges with hidden rfid tags on it. They wanted to track us 24/7 but I peeled mine off and stuck it to an out of town delivery vehicle. I'm in Detroit now, next stop Orlando!!

work work work

work is the only thing that makes really sense to me in my life. when everything else is chaos and confusion, i'm so grateful i can lose myself by focusing on work. i hope i'll always have that ability, because i know i'll be ok even if the rest of my life never improves.


Such natural beauty.

You (gorgeous, long and wavy brunette with very little (no?) makeup) approached the bus stop on...