posted Thursday, November 27, 2014 at 1:32am
I'm a gay guy in his early thirties. I've been in a LTR for the better part of a decade. We're both around the same age. We live together.
But the last few years have been really tough: he stopped wanting to have sex with me around 2009 or so, and in the intervening years, I've caught him (more than once) hooking up on other smartphone apps. When I catch him, he pleads flaw in character, and reminds me that if didn't have him, I would have a lower quality of life, despite the fact that I am intelligent, articulate and (I hope) worthwhile. So I put up with it, while retaining stupid self-imposed standards of not wanting to stray, meaning that, as a guy in his early thirties, I haven't had sex in almost six years. Somehow I have been taught to believe that this is my fault.
His newest thing is body shaming; he is obsessed with body image and calls me fat all of the time, even though I'm completely average for a guy my age. This makes it really hard for me to relax around him. But I'm putting up with it, and hoping that things get better. One day, maybe he'll change. Other friends tell me that I'm smart, likeable, sexy and cuddle-worthy; maybe one day, he'll see, too. Maybe one day, I will believe it.
We have nothing in common in terms of values (even though I have many of my own), and I am dying inside. I can't afford to move out, so I'm stuck here. What kills me most is that I think that these are a person's prime years, and I'm trapped and forced to languish them. My self-esteem is shot, I don't even know I'd handle intimacy if it came along at this point, and it is getting to the point where even basic life decisions terrify me.
I am sinking. Please help.