Reproductively challenge

I find it so frustrating that there are so many people out there that shouldn't be parents, choose not to be parents, or become parents "by accident". I've been trying to have a child with my husband for over 8 years...we're both loving, educated people with good jobs. After years of trying and several heartbreaking miscarriages, I'm just ready to throw in the towel. Why is it so easy for some and so hard for others?? It's not fair.

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Chickiepoo

Jan 24, 2013 at 3:48pm

Hang in there. It may be that when you least expect it, things will work out for you.

What's particularly devastating about miscarriages is that others have no idea how painful it is. I had two of them, the first before I had any kids. I remember crying when I saw people with babies or pregnant women; it was such a hard time.

My second miscarriage (after I'd had two kids) - well, my baby would have been the same age as two other babies we knew and we hadn't told anyone about the miscarriage. I cried all through the baptism of the first baby. The other mom never understood why I wasn't happy to see her and her baby - and I couldn't tell her that I was crying inside.

I feel your pain and know how it feels so unfair. All I can suggest is that you try to relax about it all (easier said than done!) because I had two successful pregnancies when I gave up trying (and both occurred at inopportune times, ironically). Two healthy kids.

I wish the same for you. Try to focus on other things, relax a bit, and that may make your body more receptive. Hope your doctor is on top of the miscarriage issue, too.

I get it.

Jan 24, 2013 at 6:36pm

You're absolutely right. It's not fair at all. And I don't blame you for wanting to give up (though I secretly hope you won't). I'm sure you've tried so many things--treatments, procedures, etc. But if you haven't tried acupuncture, you might want to. There a couple clinics in Vancouver that specialize in nothing but fertility issues.

People out there who haven't had miscarriages, please don't tell women: "You just weren't ready" or "the timing wasn't right" or "it wasn't meant to be." That's accidental cruelty.

ruby tuesday

Jan 24, 2013 at 9:05pm

my proff just had twins at the age of 52,but she got donated eggs,maybe you should try that.

a mom

Jan 24, 2013 at 9:50pm

"...both loving, educated people with good jobs", why don't you guys consider adoption and quit judging others?

Chickiepoo

Jan 24, 2013 at 10:27pm

@I get it - oh, you are so right.

With my first pregnancy, I miscarried at seven weeks, but I'd been so excited to finally be pregnant. I grieved the death of my baby. If anybody even said "I'm so sorry" I'd be ready to cry (and I'm not a crier!)

One kind soul I worked with came into my office, shut the door, and told me the story of their miscarriage, and how devastating it was for them. Sweet man.

People who say "it wasn't meant to be" are trying to be kind, but sadly have no idea of the pain they are inflicting. For me, my miscarriages were a true, deep loss. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. And for anyone who's had multiple ones, all I can say is you have my heartfelt sympathy and ... I am at a loss for words.

laluna

Jan 25, 2013 at 10:15am

Been there, done that TWICE (as far as I know... more may be)! Weird thing that both times I had my miscarriage the beds next to me were these girls cried wanted to terminate their unwanted pregnancy. I felt like want to slap them hard. BUT... I believe that there's reason why I lost my babies. It could be chromosome disorder (which is higher possibility when you have more than once miscarriages) or I just wasn't (or am) not ready yet; Heaven knows! It took me years to get over it (and still am).
Although it is painful, life is not end yet. You can still try to get pregnant again or go to adoption process. A lot of children out there are waiting for being adopted by loving people like you and your husband. Speaking of trying, ask your GP to refer you to a great Gynecologist.
Best luck to you and your husband!!

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