Sunday lunch
I saw you eating lunch at the Cambie on Sunday. You look like a very fun person. You were with two white males. You are an Asian man who was wearing a baseball hat. I think you...
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I fucking feel like shit. I've never felt so angry with myself than right now for all of my stupid past mistakes. I feel like I mean nothing, I feel worthless, useless, and PATHETIC. I can not figure out for the life of me why I'm having such a hard time moving on. I'm confused, I'm heartbroken, I'm stressed out and can hardly focus. Is this how it feels when someone you love doesn't love you back? I'm never, ever, EVER putting myself in this position ever again. Hurts way too much... I thought I was alright, I had things that needed to be fixed but who doesn't? But I guess I needed to be perfect. I wish I could rewind my life... I'm crushed :(
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Comments (9) Add New Comment
haha
First of all, love is a joint experience between two persons — but the fact that it is a joint experience does not mean that it is a similar experience to the two people involved. There are the lover and the beloved, but these two come from different countries. Often the beloved is only a stimulus for all the stored-up love which had lain quiet within the lover for a long time hitherto. And somehow every lover knows this. He feels in his soul that his love is a solitary thing. He comes to know a new, strange loneliness and it is this knowledge which makes him suffer. So there is only one thing for the lover to do. He must house his love within himself as best he can; he must create for himself a whole new inward world — a world intense and strange, complete in himself. Let it be added here that this lover about whom we speak need not necessarily be a young man saving for a wedding ring — this lover can be man, woman, child, or indeed any human creature on this earth.

Now, the beloved can also be of any description. The most outlandish people can be the stimulus for love. A man may be a doddering great-grandfather and still love only a strange girl he saw in the streets of Cheehaw one afternoon two decades past. The preacher may love a fallen woman. The beloved may be treacherous, greasy-headed, and given to evil habits. Yes, and the lover may see this as clearly as anyone else — but that does not affect the evolution of his love one whit. A most mediocre person can be the object of a love which is wild, extravagant, and beautiful as the poison lilies of the swamp. A good man may be the stimulus for a love both violent and debased, or a jabbering madman may bring about in the soul of someone a tender and simple idyll. Therefore, the value and quality of any love is determined solely by the lover himself.

It is for this reason that most of us would rather love than be loved. Almost everyone wants to be the lover. And the curt truth is that, in a deep secret way, the state of being beloved is intolerable to many. The beloved fears and hates the lover, and with the best of reasons. For the lover is forever trying to strip bare his beloved. The lover craves any possible relation with the beloved, even if this experience can cause him only pain.”
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Love Hurts XO
Darling. You ARE OK. You DO matter and have value and mean something. We ALL make mistakes and wished we hadn't. I hear you're really upset, and angry with yourself, and FEEL worthless, useless, and pathetic-- but you're not. Letting go and moving on IS hard work. Growth is painful. For me, the deeper the life-lesson, the more it hurts. You can over-come this by starting to forgive yourself and have some compassion and cut yourself some slack. We're not born with a manual of life in our head or hand. We learn as we go. Yes, this is how it feels when someone you love doesn't love you back. It hurts like hell. I hope you believe me when I tell you it will get better and you will make it through this. When you find the Love with a person that's meant for you, it will be flexible and won't beak, it will be accepting and forgiving of all of you. When it's effortless and you're both in it together at the same level of energy and experience and investment, it will be like dancing. Hang in there. Peace + Love.
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!!!
Or simply put
1)you knew you would never be loved back and you carried in with hopes it would happen when you knew better. Now you feel stupid
2)you were loved, you did something to ruin it and now you are feeling stupid AND sorry for yourself.
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Advice
Firstly, you're not useless or pathetic; it sounds like you're grieving a breakup and that's perfectly normal. Cut yourself some slack here.

Secondly (and I read this somewhere and it happened to me) part of the total MESS we go through after a breakup is drug withdrawal. Huh? Yes - because when we have sex, lots of lovely drugs are released into our brains and when we break up, suddenly those are gone. And our bodies react accordingly. I know because it happened to me - after a three year relationship with a healthy sex life, boom. For five months, I was in a total fog, unable to focus, and my whole body/brain felt out of whack. I believe that was the withdrawal. (Look it up online if you don't believe me - there's research on it!)

Thirdly, it's devastating to be hurt like this, but it's all part of life. We take chances and sometimes we are rewarded. At other times, no - we get kicked in the head. Give yourself time to heal. Find things you like to do. Stay out of the dating scene for the time being, until you're in a happier, healthier place, or you risk rejection again (and more hurt).

In time, things will shift for you and you'll feel more open. That may, however, take awhile. Be patient with yourself.

Fourthly, once you've healed a bit, look back and see what you can learn from this experience. Every negative experience is an opportunity to learn and grow. We all make mistakes, but the secret to healthy emotional functioning is to see what we can learn from them.

Be good to yourself right now. Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling (denial is bad!), but try not to let it take on a life of its own. Get out; find a hobby; watch some comedies; go for a run (or have a bubble bath - don't know your gender). You are worthy - it's just that this time, for whatever reason, it didn't work out. :)
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The heart
is a lonely hunter.
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wow,
I feel the exact same way.
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OP
That's just one person's opinion on love. There's no exact way that love works. That's the great thing about it. It's a million different thing's in and of itself.
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OP
Thanks for the optimistic advice everyone. I will be okay, some days are just harder than others and it will probably be like this for a long time. Sometimes I just need to vent because I have no one to talk to during the later hours. They say it takes about half the time you spent with someone to get over them. Looks like I'm going to be in this boat a while.
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Meh
At least someone loved you.
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