... i can really relate to this. Everyone thinks I'm the happiest dude....not the case

I cannot mask it when feeling depressed.

I just don't care that it shows, although I hide away indoors and avoid all human contact except when either necessary or under controlled circumstances.

But there's just no way I can conceive of faking happiness or even normalcy when I'm feeling depressed.

So, how do you do it?!?

Who was it that said "most men lead lives of quiet desperation?" Women too, of course. I learned to be happy and friendly in order to get and keep work in a competitive industry. A supervisor once even told me my best attribute was my "sunny disposition", even though I'm usually faking it. Oh well, I can usually hold it in until I get home, now that I take antidepressants. But before that I would have meltdowns constantly, and spend hours crying in the bathroom, unable to function.

I totally relate to this. People refer to me as the sunshine in the room, but most mornings I can't even get out of bed. Ive never gone on meds, but when 11am roles around and Ive been awake for 4 hours and still can't move I wonder if I should.

You could try a really low dose of meds to start, and see if it works for you. Some people don't like it as they feel "disconnected", but for myself I feel more energetic and able to focus and brush things off. Most importantly, I'm able to hold down a job, while in the past I couldn't function as I would have a break-down at the slightest provocation and would have to go home... or go cry in the bushes somewhere for a few hours.

everyone comments on how i smile all the time, and it always surprises me