I'm missing something...

ALL of my friends are married, or in long-term relationships. I feel left out and isolated from them all, and I can't help but wonder what it is about me that makes me so undateable. I go out, I try new things, I try to make small talk with strangers.. I haven't been on a date in about 5 years. It can really get a girl down... what am I missing?

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well

Sep 9, 2014 at 1:24am

I think it might be Vancouver. I met a few gorgeous perpetually single women in Vancouver that no man would go after for whatever reason, and a horrible ugly psycho bitch that every guy (including myself) couldn't stay away from. So you are probably just too good for the ego-shattered men of Van.

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Kel

Sep 9, 2014 at 7:50am

I have a couple of lovely friends who "can't find a partner."Both of them seem completely disinterested when a man tries talking to them/flirting. I can't tell you how many times I've heard later 'well he was great but never called.' I'm thinking...you thought he was great? You treated him like he was boring you to death. Double check what's happening on the inside is reflected on the outside. People like to know you're interested in them.

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Ugh

Sep 9, 2014 at 8:04am

Of course blame the men.

Im sure you're exactly aware why you haven't had a date in almost 5 years.

Bottom line is are you willing to do whats needed to improve yourself in order to attract others?

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RUK

Sep 9, 2014 at 8:42am

I was gonna say that while it is probably normal to be in LTRs, that there are outliers where some people will be frantic daters, polyamourous even and others are pretty sedate, even abstainers for reasons of moral or spiritual choice, and there's nothing inherently wrong with any of it.

But then I reread this and it's not like you're content with this situation.

Datelessness can feel pretty awful...we all had dry spells in our dating histories, mine was, uhhh well anyway, I did not have much game but I had friends and they had friends and so I did get some phone numbers occasionally.

Some people might tell you not to worry about it, which in my life is a sure way to get me to worry about it.

So if you are going to worry, you might as well worry productively.

Maybe this is a wack suggestion but what about having some consultations with a friend or two, someone who seems to have (seeming to have is fine) confidence, style and appeal. Ask them what they do. Don't copy them, but maybe there is something you can get out of it.

Good luck. And don't be desperate, that attracts people who like desperation - gross people.

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Same Boat

Sep 9, 2014 at 8:42am

I was the same as you. I did everything I possibly could - everything that dating gurus tell you to do. And then I stopped "trying" and was just myself. I know it's so cliche but I just went out and did my thing. I went to sporting events, plays, art shows, volunteered, and didn't go with any expectation of meeting anyone. I ended up meeting a lot of people because it didn't matter to me whether I did or not. The experts are right. Enjoy your life and you'll bump into your intended one when the time is right. For me, I ended up meeting him online but had the same attitude meeting up with guys from online as I did in real life. Nice to meet you but no pressure and no cares about the outcome. As my friend so brutally told me (which actually pissed me off enough to do it) you're already single - what do you have to lose? Good luck :)

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Why

Sep 9, 2014 at 8:53am

do you want to be like them? People tend to form relationships because they need another person to get them through life. Perhaps you are too independent. Most married couples I know are boring people with no ambitions who are wrapped up in myopic, repetitive lives. But if that's what you want too, then go for it. I suggest dating sites, lots of lonely people looking for the same thing.

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The problem is you

Sep 9, 2014 at 9:37am

Need to think you need to be in a relationship...

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A man's POV

Sep 9, 2014 at 10:16am

Living in Vancovuer for a guy is the weirdest life I have ever lived and I have seen more then my share of oddness but the dating demographic is beyond appalling and it is very easy to stay away from.

I constantly hear/see how women can't seem to meet anybody or at least a good man in Van, but I can count on one hand the amount of times a woman has flirted with me, made eye contact or even stuck up a random conversation for the heck of it. Grocery line banter, coffee shop line up etc.

Nothing.

It's like Vancouver women are paralyzed or simply scared to say hi back if they are by themselves out in public (neutral safe place) but anywhere else in the world it's normal to chit chat and have random 5 minute friendships.

I honestly don't get it and I grew tired of always to be on my best behaviour, best dressed mode and basically looking like a million bucks to go buy bread let alone buy tickets to a show, arrive and find a whole crowd that looked like the beach just threw them up at the front door.

The attitude of cross arms , third eye focused on something distant, cell phone in hand, frowns and basically poor body language has left me guessing more then it should but has made it uber easy to avoid a crap date.

However, I spent a month going across Canada last year and I was amazed by the assertive attitudes of women the further I travelled East. I arrived in Montreal and was floored by the women, my mindset about dating reversed and it made me feel like a man again.

A woman actually stuffed her number in my shirt pocket one night and gave me a big kiss to remind me that it's ok to flirt which made my confidence soar.

The dynamic in Vancouver was here before I arrived and it will be like this after I move away. Yes, I am finally checking out of hotel North Cali and moving to ...you guessed it MONTREAL and joining my friends who wised up years ago. Sad to say this city is dead as a doornail and it really is from the lack of assertive women, this creates a bad scene which then creates contempt from men because in order to gain the trust of a woman , you have to make eye contact first, establish that hidden bond then make your move.

I don't usually walk to people that are wearing the fuck off face and that goes for women too , countless times I have seen a smoking lady that looks pissed off to be alive and left her to be alone.

Good luck,

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All my peers

Sep 9, 2014 at 10:24am

All of my peers who are single fly to other cities like vegas, L.A. Montreal, NY. on weekends to meet women and have fun.

Can you imagine having to leave your own city just to have relations with women. What does that say about the ladies here. ??

I will join them on the next trip.....

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I'm the same

Sep 9, 2014 at 11:06am

You just need to recognize and accept that life has a different path for you than that of your friends. I celebrate my difference and would loath finding myself in the same predictable path as them... and they, in turn, value that part of me.

We are unique and it will continue to be difficult for you as long as you compare yourself to them, and try to emulate their situation. Walk your own path.

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