It got back to me
posted September 17th, 2014 at 2:20 AM
I am really tired of the gossip that has been circulating about me. No one knows me and it just makes me sad.
posted September 17th, 2014 at 2:20 AM
Dan offers some advice on where she might find it.
You were sitting by yourself & you ordered a few Curry Fish Balls and a few deep-fried Spring...
11 Comments
Post a CommentRCA
Sep 17, 2014 at 10:19am
If you have done nothing wrong, then hold your head high and let them talk.
People love to gossip, judge and make assumptions without knowing all the facts. If there is room in your heart for forgiveness, then reach out and do so.
Awww that sucks
Sep 17, 2014 at 10:37am
Sorry to hear that, honey. It's sad when people do that. If it makes you feel better, you could always confront the gossipers and say "I know that you've been talking about me, and the gossip is wrong and hurts my feelings." They would probably feel quite ashamed and embarrassed.
A long time ago, a girl told me "what people said about me". I was shocked, because then I realized that she, too, was partaking in this gossip, without defending me or stopping the gossip. That was the end of our "friendship". Walk away from people like this and take care of yourself first.
Stay positive and strong.
RUK
Sep 17, 2014 at 11:41am
I'm not saying this to troll you at all, but you should pay attention to the gossip.
Ignoring it is a bad play.
Taking it to heart, no, you don't have to *agree* with the unfounded, unfair judgement, but it is useful information.
If people are saying you are a Nazi, maybe reconsider the toothbrush mustache. If people are saying that you are cold, consider saying hello and smiling.
The other school of thought - that you should ignore the social feedback and cues that other people give you - only works if you are Kanye West. He does and says whatever he wants, because he is Yeezus, and also an insufferable narcissist.
Don't be Kanye West.
Observe what people are getting from your social signals. Then decide, according to your own principles, and using your own judgement, and doing what is comfortable, right, affordable, moral, and good for you, design or redesign your signals to whatever degree works.
I realize that this advice might seem to fly 100% in the face of the theory that we are all beautiful, special, wonderful and that ignorant haters are creeps who should be blocked out, but it really isn't. We are ALL hypocrites when it suits us. We say "I hope you feel better" to sick grandma who was a bitch to us all through our childhood. We say "excuse me" when we mean "get your fucking backpack out of my face, have you seriously never taken a bus before?"
We do these things because it is polite and polite has a high degree of self-interest. It is a social lubricant, like chewing gum after eating donair.
As for your hurt feelings, I totally sympathize and get it. I was Mr. Hurt Feelings for years and years, it sucks.
It's only hearsay
Sep 17, 2014 at 12:28pm
Often people will just gossip because they have nothing better to do; it's human nature. Things get pulled out of proportion for the sake of entertainment. This is especially true if you live in a village-like environment, which describes many workplaces. Just try not to sink to that level.
I say this even though I enjoy gossiping myself, especially about people I'm not fond of. But I still get annoyed when I hear things about myself!
Hey
Sep 17, 2014 at 8:35pm
You have to be exceptional to get dirt said. I bet you are. I'm the girl who ALWAYS gets talked about. I am doing really well at not caring now I'm older. The cream rises and so I get the best people close to me as a result. Also, once you realize that people talk, maybe get them gone. Those are not friends; they're into schadenfreude. A lot of Vancouver women gossip. You go about your business being exceptional anyway. xox
Ignore it.
Sep 17, 2014 at 8:52pm
Fuck 'em. Hold her head up high.
ds
Sep 18, 2014 at 6:29am
Like all of us I had beliefs about myself and it was easy to dismiss the things people were saying about me. Until it dawned on me that all these people in different contexts who didn't know each other were all saying the same thing. Then I had to pay attention.
What I've noticed
Sep 18, 2014 at 8:27am
Terrific people talk about Ideas, Everyday people talk about Things, and little people talk about Other People.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Sep 18, 2014 at 9:35am
@ What I've noticed: That's MY quote. I'll get you in the afterlife!
OP- "What I've noticed"
Sep 18, 2014 at 9:57am
@ Eleanor Roosevelt
(smiles) Sage observations are timeless, and the wisdom contained within is not forgotten.
I read the quote 25 years ago, I've forgotten where; thanks for telling me who made it.
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