It Really Is Tough..

I'm sure that I'm not the only one that feels this way, but I feel truly alone.. I mean, the kind where all of your "best friends" are off doing their own thing and not reserving any time for you. Even one day every once in a while. All of my childhood friends are gone. 2 highschool friends that I run into sometimes. When I'm on the bus, skytrain, or bus stop at 11pm... I just feel so. god.damn. fucking isolated. I wish that I could get hugs. I wish that I could laugh with somebody. I wish that I wouldn't flinch when I do receive a hug - maybe because I forget what it's like. I haven't been in a serious relationship in almost exactly a year. I'm starting to miss an ex from 2 years ago, even though that would never happen since I was a total dick by dropping her from my life - I just cut her off. Maybe this is karma? If so, I deserve it. Even though 2 months ago invited her to talk in person and things have gotten better (we actually talk once in a while). This is still really shitty. If I stop going outside, checking online stuff, my phone, I bet that it would take months for people to realize that I'm not there.. but what's worse, is that no one would care...... I'm going to talk to somebody tomorrow and get to know them. I have the worst social anxiety even though I talk to everyone at parties/events/gallery openings. I've got to stop being shy.. My life is just full of fuck ups and mistakes...

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Hey

Sep 10, 2014 at 11:11am

Stop being so hard on yourself. Everybody makes mistakes, we chalk them up to experience. That is what life is: experience. Mistakes often create lasting memories, too!! Remember that.

You really only need one friend. Just one.

It will get better, for sure. I have been there. I am there. Stay positive.

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aww sweetie

Sep 10, 2014 at 12:55pm

things will get better! Stop beating yourself up over past mistakes-we've all made mistakes. Maybe talk to a family member or counsellor about your feelings..?
Hang in there, honey.

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Chin up.

Sep 10, 2014 at 5:50pm

I think a lot of people would relate to this, so thanks for sharing. I too have some social anxiety, but I've tried to embrace my awkwardness and be OK with it. It's difficult though, I know. Keep putting yourself out there. Have you thought of joining a group, or doing some xtra curricular activities where you can meet new people? That helped me a bit. I think you will be ok, mate. Just keep at it. It's ok to go through the motions and feel down, just don't dwell too much on the negative. Good luck and take good care.

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Tracy

Sep 10, 2014 at 9:53pm

You aren't the only one who feels alone. People often feel more alone or as though their life is bad because of things like facebook where everyone is comparing their life to everyone's highlight reel. It's not real. Everyone who sees me thinks I would have the perfect life, but truth is, I am often alone too. I don't put up with fair-weather friends and so its hard to find best friends. You will be ok. Things are crappy sometimes so we can appreciate the good times xo

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BRS

Sep 11, 2014 at 12:13am

I think you're better off than I am. I know exactly what you're writing about, too. It's weird, in a way. I've had a close-knit group of friends growing up, and now they're all doing their own thing. I have friends, it's just that we're not CLOSE. To ask them to hang out is a "big deal" because it has to be planned ahead of time due to work schedules and whatnot. I miss my best friend so much. I miss being able to call her up just to sit around and just talk, running errands, or even just walking around wherever.

Drifting apart really sucks. Having temporary friends suck. Being alone doesn't suck so much (my opinion) but sometimes it does get boring.

Good luck tomorrow, I have a feeling it'll work out well for you.

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Best advice

Sep 11, 2014 at 2:06am

I had social anxiety and then my boyfriend told me not to take myself so seriously. And somehow that works.

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I feel you

Sep 11, 2014 at 10:42am

I'd love to tell you it will get better. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. But in the meantime, forgive yourself. Let go of the guilt. Part of feeling isolated and alone is just getting older. Friends and family all start to drift off into their own lives.
When I was feeling the most alone, I came across a passage that said, and here's the gist, "the root of loneliness is a longing to understand oneself." People may come and go from your life, but if you love and accept yourself, that will be okay. That started to change things for me. Then I realized that helping others also made me feel less alone. Being in service. It's a reminder that we're all connected.

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Put yourself out there

Sep 11, 2014 at 12:13pm

I know, easier said than done. But I was in your shoes for many years and I know how unhappy I felt. It seemed like everyone else was busy, happy, had lots of friends. But I think a lot of what we see is an illusion, and that many people feel the same way as you are right now. Joining classes helped me. It can still feel lonely, but make an effort to put yourself out there. Even if you don't make a friend, at least you have some social time with people that you share one common interest with. I also posted an as on Craigslist and met a few people that were nice, but one stuck and now she is my closest friend. Keep at it and keep your head up! You're not going to make any new friends if your eyes are looking down at the ground. Big big hug!

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Shy

Sep 11, 2014 at 1:48pm

Hey, don't worry. There's nothing wrong with you. You're what we like to call an "introvert" This is not the same as being shy, although sometimes they go hand in hand. You have the added challenge of social anxiety, which I'm willing to bet is just because you're not versed in the proper care and feeding of an Introverted personality.
Btw, Extroverts will always tell us Introverts to "put ourselves out there" like it will somehow transform us into them. Unfortunately, this is about as possible as just telling your hair to grow in blonde rather than brown.
The good news is that if you allow yourself to recharge and respect your nature, you'll be able to go out and socialize with less pressure and anxiety. Most of us aren't' actually shy, we just don't get the same experience out of being in groups and social settings as extroverts do.

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miche

Sep 11, 2014 at 6:16pm

honestly, other people are over rated. make yourself happy with your own company, and trust me, other people will follow suit

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