Clingy GF

posted October 21st, 2014 at 3:44 AM

My friend's GF obsessively clings to him every waking hour. They live together and if he ever manages to break free, the calling and texting starts within 20 minutes, it's embarrassing to be around and is not healthy. I want to hang out less and less. Someone pointed out that in a twisted way, he may actually like her behaviour, I'm beginning to agree!

4 Comments

I have an old friend like that!

Oct 21, 2014 at 2:43pm

We're 47 now. He's been in romantic relationships all his life with possessive, controlling women. There was 1 woman 20 years ago who we ALL liked. But she was reasonable and normal and nice to be around, gave him lots of space, so he ended it. He NEEDS to be controlled by a woman. It's sick as fuck, but that's who he is. Back then we accepted this is who he is and that was that.

What you describe as clingy (like - i love you so much i can't be without you...) quickly reveals itself as controlling and abusive.

Now at 47 (he's been with the same dominating, clingy shrew for about 15 years) we rarely see him because that's what that leads to. He has no free choice or free will in the relationship and constantly complains about it, yet he continues to stay with her. It's a deeply rooted personal issue. Probably not unlike women with the pattern of being with abusive men, but can't seem to walk away!

What you're witnessing looks harmless now... but at middle age you'll be witness to a shell of a man with no backbone. These women eat away at everything a man should be - independent, confident, capable...

Interestingly, she berates him for not being a man and standing up to her! She does this in front of us, that's part of her method, to publicly belittle him. She eggs him on to be the man she actively tears down.

Good luck to him.

Sad

Oct 21, 2014 at 3:06pm

She probably can't even dress herself without his approval.

co-dependency

Oct 21, 2014 at 6:31pm

Is challenging. Some people just function better that way. One of my best friends and colleagues is like this but he's also one of the most successful and effective people in our workplace, and he's been in the relationship like 6 years.

Shit, my parents have been married for 30 years and working together, alone for the last 15

Theyre happy and fuckin crazy about each other!

RUK

Oct 22, 2014 at 1:01pm

I guess that as a friend you don't have to say you approve and you are free to give wry looks and frowns when the electronic whip starts to crack.

That's about as far as I'd go with it. Unless she's really hurting him that you know about (breaking his trust, stealing, hitting) then there's no call to intervene. He might cut you off, and then be truly isolated.