help?

Despite being a very logic based person, I used to believe in love, fate and all that falls in-between but overtime I'm starting to think those things don't exist. I never really wanted to "belong" to somebody else with fear of losing who I was. With age I have realized no one can take that away from you unless you let them. I have had relationships where the other person tries to control me, but how is that love? I sense someone is trying to control me and I'm scared. I want to be in a relationship that has honesty and trust not manipulation. It makes me want to share less and less of myself with this other person the more they try to take it away from me without my approval.

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RCA

Oct 29, 2014 at 4:54am

There are many shades in the spectrum of love. They range from attraction
to deep and tender care. Relationships can be fueled by many things, but
no relationship can survive or thrive without basic honesty and trust.
Someone who truly loves you will fight for you, but they would rather let you go and be happy, if your heart is gone, than control you.

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well

Oct 29, 2014 at 5:17am

Enjoyed reading these thoughts. Assuming here that you are a woman, I think (speaking as a male) that men in general tend to try to 'solve' and I think this can look like attempting to control, when it is really just trying to orientate themselves so they know what to do. I know I have made the mistake of over-analyzing and making the woman I cared about feel like she was under surveillance. And good for you to give up on fate, but love is definitely real.

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Can't help

Oct 29, 2014 at 5:23am

But I do agree with you

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You sad sad

Oct 29, 2014 at 8:29am

bi-aaa-tch! Confused like like a kitten to a lazer pointer on white wall. Get over yourself and find a decent guy to love and not a hipster bad boy moron you are assuredly attracted to.

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"logic based person"

Oct 29, 2014 at 9:27am

For some reason, your first sentence has me disliking you. Logic and emotions are different things. Yin and Yang. You "sense" someone is trying to control you? You're being controlled if you feel that way. What the hell does logic have to do with emotions? Second, you know you're on a sinking ship, so BAIL. Or do you need to be kicked in the teeth first? Be the one with a spine in your relationship and get the EF out. Now.

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Hexadecimal

Oct 29, 2014 at 10:05am

Love does exist, but it has to be rooted in trust, honesty, and a continuous flow of direct face-to-face communication, that is, no hiding behind e-mails or letters or Facebook. If either partner can't give any one (or all) of the three, then your relationship (and/or friendship) is over, if it was ever really genuine at all. There are decent people in this world, all be they few and far between. Don't give up.
As for the control part, I think that partially comes from people wanting to influence others for the better but genuinely not knowing how. This doesn't speak for everyone, there are way many absuive control-freak losers out there as well. But not all 'control' situtations are rooted in pure evil. Again communication and open mindedness and the freedom/ability to always be yourself at all times.

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The Baby Jesus

Oct 29, 2014 at 10:24am

I used to be involved with a woman that was frequently concerned about "losing" herself, worried about manipulation and such. The irony was that I had absolutely no interest in controlling her (beyond insisting on honesty). But her fear drove her to try to control me through manipulation and it was my willingness to tolerate it that lead me to losing myself for a time. Funny how that works.

Oh well, lesson learned.

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fate and love

Oct 29, 2014 at 11:46am

Yes I do believe in them but they don't seem to be coming my way! Just had another rejection so am having a Poor Me day.

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Are you sure?

Dec 10, 2014 at 12:16am

Ask yourself:
How long have we dated? It takes more than a matter of months to know someone.
Why do you assume you have to lose who you are by being with someone? Keep doing what you like to do. That weekly exercise class (for example) is a promise to yourself. People are the most attractive when they are un-apologetically themselves. Do the things that make you YOU. Things shouldn't have to change, and if they do, change them because you genuinely want them to change for you.
It sounds as though you seek an insecure type. No one ever fully wins in those relationships.
Are you "sensing" them controlling you or are they flat out giving you orders of what not to do, reading your phone conversations, telling you what to wear, etc.?
Every relationship has hardships and sacrifices, it's getting through those that can make a good relationship stronger and build respect (so long as it isn't forced upon you). Shutting off communication from your partner is the worst thing you can do since it's the only way they can know what's going on with you. If you don't try, it won't last or it will and you'll probably feel isolated in the relationship.
Are you afraid of them physically or mentally hurting you? If you believe this will happen get out. Abuse is not okay. Seek help from friends and family.
If you're afraid of commitmentIt and getting your wings clipped, learn to be your whole self while being in a relationship. It's a great feeling --- I promise. It does take work though.

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