I hate my father.

posted October 29th, 2014 at 1:51 AM

He is a miserable drunk (probably wet brain by now) who is still bitter that my mom left him 25 years ago. He is the proud embodiment of all the white male entitlements that make this world suck. Show him compassion and he spits in your face. Tell him your boundaries and he steps right over them. He blames everyone else for his shit life when its his own choices that have taken him where he is. The last time I spoke to him a couple of years ago we had a huge fight which I thought was actually going to come to blows. It took every ounce of self-control I had, but I walked away. He’s recently started trying to contact me again, and since that hasn’t worked, he will not stop contacting my mother, even though she hasn’t spoken to him in years either and he’s kindly been told not to. He’s disrespectful and entitled, insecure and pathetic, and so he’s full of ignorant self-righteous anger. But he fails to see the holy righteous anger ready to burst out of me. Keep pushing, dad, I dare you…today was the worst possible day for you to do that.

15 Comments

Joss Granite

Oct 29, 2014 at 8:31am

Hang on there. Giving into a violent outburst may be just what he's looking for. Don't play his game. End the dialogue instead.

Some people weren't meant to be Dad's

Oct 29, 2014 at 10:31am

Unfortunately in life, some people aren't cut out to be parents.

It sucks when you are one of their kids, but as JG said above, just move on. Live your own life without him.

my friend

Oct 29, 2014 at 10:34am

in the same situation, got so angry with his drunk dad that he threw some water at him (after the dad had thrown a vase at his child) and the dad called the cops on him and laid a charge of assault. Run. Run. He does not deserve any energy from you and it could harm you.

Oy Gevalt

Oct 29, 2014 at 10:39am

I'd echo what Joss said. Walk away and never look back.

Puffed up chests become very unpuffed when no one fights back and since you're playing his game, it's up to you to just simply stop.

As far as eliminating his contact, phone, e-mail, texts can all be blocked, so I'm assuming the only unstoppable method he uses is in person. That's a dangerous situation, but again I would suggest not opening the door, not talking with him and completely disengaging. Just walk away.

He's feeding on your reaction, so don't give him any feedback or engagement of any sort ... nothing whatsoever. Nadda.

also your mom

Oct 29, 2014 at 11:41am

might have to have a more clear and less kindly manner in removing herself from the situation.

Think twice

Oct 29, 2014 at 11:47am

Have you tried deep compassion and understanding. Have you really taken that to its final limits? And of course there are limits; i'm not suggesting you put up with abuse from the guy forever.

It's just sad when people who have troubled lives are abandoned by everyone. Your dad sounds like a troubled guy who needs help, and of course he needs to meet everyone halfway... has that happened?

It does sounds like you've reached the end of your rope - maybe he needs to hear that and given one last chance! He reaches out to you and your mum, so he probably gets that he's an ass, and he likely regrets that.

He's your dad.

I can relate to your situation

Oct 29, 2014 at 12:27pm

good for you, It takes alot of self control to not get sucked into all that drama, I hope you have a chance to reflect on whether or not your upbringing is affecting how you parent, for me I see all the shit I was exposed too, I'm 10 x better than my dad, but I see some paterns, atleast I'm aware, your dad and mine will never be aware enough to change who they are, My dad has bipolar so he always has a reason for being a fuck. sorry for the rant good luck.

JBG

Oct 29, 2014 at 2:38pm

Hey alcoholism is a brutal disease that hurts the whole family. Unfortunately the anger you have (justified or not) is only going to hurt you in the end. Having been married to an alcoholic and having it in the family I know your pain. Alanon saved my butt and helped me get over the anger and understand how to move forward. You are letting him rent way to much space in your head and in the end he wins if you are unhappy and bitter. All the best...

You lack Humanity

Oct 29, 2014 at 3:00pm

"who is still bitter that my mom left him 25 years ago."

That sort of thing can destroy a person for life.
If his wife had died 25 years ago, I bet you'd think it was a bit unfortunate that he was still sad over it, but I doubt you'd deny anyone that sort of license.