How do you know they won't understand unless you say something? It's really not that rare to have social anxiety and most people will understand if you tell them.

I too suffer from depression and self esteem issues. I always screw everything up, and lately my mistakes are following me even online. Even on my wedding day, the one day I should feel beautiful I felt hideous. Nobody knows who I really am either. So I tell them they don't understand and stomp off and slam doors. but you just have to keep moving forward.

Luv, i know how you feel. you need to practice self-compassion and start putting yourself first. one very wise man told me 'if you really want to help people, think about how many wonderful things you can do for the world if you feel good yourself'. you situation can be helped, with proper counselling you can change your thinking patterns. if i have done it, so can you. good luck.

I know that feeling. I don't blame you and some things, including facts of life are just too painful to look at. sometimes if you look at it, you can find another aspect to the emotion/thought. I don't know where self hate stems from, but it is terrible. currently, I don't have it, i think it might be from not caring so much or taking it so seriously, maybe feeling good about something. I'm with turtle.