Worst birthday ever

I hate birthdays because they remind me that yet another year has gone by and I am still the same miserable person I was last year, but this year was especially bad. Basically i spent most of the day in bed trying not to commit suicide. The things that keep me hanging on are my kitty who has had a rough life with previous owners and relies on me and my younger siblings who would be upset. I hate my parents who are fake people and constantly remind me how i disappoint them. Especially my mother, i feel like I am her mother instead, always having to reassure her and sugar coat shit because she can't handle truth. I am a broken person and always have been, there is nothing to look forward to, and the drugs i use to numb the pain are no longer enough.

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hmmm

Oct 2, 2014 at 10:31am

1. get off the drugs
2. Happy Birthday! (belated)

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REDDPILL

Oct 2, 2014 at 10:45am

You know what? I can't begin to understand your situation. Being depressed or suicidal is no way to live. Please consider getting help.

http://crisiscentre.bc.ca/

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Hi :)

Oct 2, 2014 at 10:51am

Often I reply to confessions with responses that are blunt and mostly offend people. Truth hurts most of the time. You are getting the same treatment, but the honesty isn't so much going to hurt because your situation isnt caused by your own stupidity like 99% of every other confession I read here.

Dont get off the drugs unless your doctor says so. People who havent suffered with depression often say idiotic things like "get off the drugs and just go to the gym". I personally have never suffered, but have had people close to me who have. Keep trying combinations until you find something that works.

Try a new combo and find what works.

Here is the blunt advise some may dissagree with me on (they would be wrong), but you need you hear. Family does not a free pass to make your life misserable just because they are family. I don't care if its your mother, father or sister. If they dont make your life better, cut them out like cancer. Just because they have made the choice to make their life miserable doesnt mean they get to take you with them. Funny, but its usually the ones that "love you" that do the most to not see you succeed, or bring you down to their level.

Draw a line with your mother and if she crosses it tell you goodbye. What benefit do either of you get making each other misserable? You going to be on your deathbed and say "gee i wish I spent more time with that person who made mu life suck". No chance.

Cut them out and only focus on what makes your life better.

Last piece of advise. Dont try and find yourself through relationships (every idiot on here proves that doesnt work).

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Lovely L.

Oct 2, 2014 at 10:54am

Happy Birthday anyway! Sending love to you.
X

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I hear you

Oct 2, 2014 at 11:02am

Not managing to get better from depression despite various strategies is getting me down too. Have had similar problems with parents. Can you take a break from seeing them? Although it sounds like you know you shouldn't listen to what they say, it's easier said than done, especially if you have frequent interactions with them. Try to see yourself how others (your siblings, your cat) see you and love you—that's reality, not the poisoned world view that depression gives us. Hang in there.

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change?

Oct 2, 2014 at 11:12am

take this birthday as a vehicle for change?
make this the year that you do what you want.

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Alone-not lonely

Oct 2, 2014 at 11:52am

We were abandoned by our mother when my siblings and I were little so I don,t understand why you try to live up to you mother,s expectations.Don,t try to please anyone,just please yourself.

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Natty

Oct 2, 2014 at 12:20pm

Happy birthday!

It sounds like you have some tough choices ahead. You're off to a positive start in not deciding to give up on life. In my experience, the only way to get yourself out of that dark pit of sadness is to start making choices based on what's right for you. If that means your parents can't be a part of your life right now, that's a choice you'll have to make. Cut out the people who cause you grief and replace them with ones who can make a difference in your life. Do activities that make you happy, start looking for a new job. Just because you're down now doesn't mean you have to be down forever.

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Change

Oct 2, 2014 at 12:49pm

Break free. Your siblings can forgive you moving on, alive and becoming healthy, making a new life. But if you choose to exit planet Earth, they will be forced to traumatically mourn you, wondering if they are afflicted with whatever it was befell you.

As someone who survived to middleagehood despite a shitty past, terrible family, rocket level depression and drugs&alcohol, I can tell you this: if you change nothing, you can expect to feel the same next year too. Just the forward motion alone can start to make you feel better, knowing you're taking a step towards happiness.

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