There are more than a few moments....

....when I am so angry at my brother. His suicide destroyed my parents. They are shells of their former selves. They are aging rapidly....and now it's on me to care for them alone. And Christmas makes it all worse. I want to tell the entire holiday season to f*** itself. Instead, I will put on my smiley 'everything is wonderful' face and plan parties, buy gifts, give to my community and be 'merry'. I'd rather just stay in bed.

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Nov 22, 2014 at 7:53pm

deal with it.

8 29Rating: -21

TM

Nov 22, 2014 at 8:19pm

Why are you pissed off at a system that works for you?

3 18Rating: -15

Sometimes..

Nov 22, 2014 at 9:17pm

hearing stories about what suicide does to surviving family members is one of the reasons I'm trying so hard not to let my depression take over me.

Another

Nov 22, 2014 at 9:47pm

F'd up personal history with author trying to fake it till he makes it. His brothers suicide is unfortunate and i empathize for him however. But is there no normal lives without surprising twists to share?

5 29Rating: -24

Anger is normal.

Nov 22, 2014 at 10:42pm

But maybe consider getting help dealing with it.

18 7Rating: +11

Hmmmm....

Nov 23, 2014 at 8:17am

Christmas is such a difficult time for those who are grieving or alone. So sorry for your loss - sounds like the wounds are still fresh.

But good for you for looking out for your parents - it's lovely that you are being so kind and compassionate to them, and I'm sure they appreciate it even if they don't say it to you directly.

One way to manage Christmas and the emotional overload is to just manage your expectations. Don't expect it to be wonderful and perfect, and don't push yourself to make it so. Maybe downscale things this year, or create new traditions. For example, if doing Xmas dinner will be overwhelming for you, then what about doing dinner out at a hotel? (Although warning: it's a bit pricey.)

Or if it's just the three of you, and the first Christmas without your brother, you could do something completely different. Hop the ferry and go stay on the Island; spend Xmas Day walking on a beach.

And above all else, be good to yourself. Recognize your own grief and allow yourself to feel it. If you feel like spending Boxing Day curled up watching a Netflix marathon, then do it. This will allow you a chance to recharge emotionally, and stay strong for those around you.

Take this Christmas as an opportunity to create some new traditions, and find peace. All the best to you.

22 5Rating: +17

life continues on

Nov 23, 2014 at 8:58am

deal with your grief, cry, talk ....but do not hide in bed, drown in alcohol and drugs and avoid life. Help your parents thru this dark time in your lives. This is the Only choice. Cuz if you go the other way, you too will slowly destroy yourself with pain and misery. Take time to heal, to grieve...but also realize life goes on and you need to live your life and be of service to others in your life..such as your parents and other loved ones. God bless you.

7 3Rating: +4

Where were you? ...

Nov 23, 2014 at 10:11am

...when your brother was struggling with ending his life, what were you and your parents doing? Probably pretending there was no problem. He didn't off himself to piss you off, but because he saw no other way out. Maybe you could contribute to mental health services in his name, or volunteer to help others, instead of wallowing around in self pity?

I'm sorry

Nov 23, 2014 at 10:40am

That you're going through this. I hope that you can try to be a little more honest to the people in your life. Don't try to be fake just because that is what is media portrayed as how people are "supposed" to act. Tell people you are angry & tell your parents that you are cracking under the pressure. Please be honest- maybe it will help your parents also. I'm sorry your brother killed himself, that is extremely sad.
Best wishes to you xoxox

I feel what you deal with...

Nov 23, 2014 at 12:11pm

But imagine my anger-
have 4 siblings-but I'M the one that has to drive 5 hours one way every month to go and help out my mom.

Two of them live in the same town and can't even be bothered to visit her more than once a year or call her more than a couple time s year.
They've NEVER come over to shovel snow-mom's 85.

The other two live here in Vancouver,and haven't even gone to see her in the 7 years since my dad died...

It costs me probably $3k a year in gas/time off work to help her,yet I know when the time comes they'll probably try and squeeze me out of the will.

And I'm the black sheep of the family because I want nothing to do with them...

9 4Rating: +5

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