Lion down

posted January 28th, 2015 at 9:43 PM

I don't know how to help the man I love. He has gone through the motions of a man who has been unemployed for a prolonged period of time. He's had a rough go at life but for what it's worth, he's been fairly successful in his life... until he got into some trouble a couple years ago. Looking for an employer who'd look past his record, his long unemployment period, and chronically aching back is wearing him out at an alarming rate. I can see it and I can feel it. He has the capacity of having all the pride of the bravest man but he's fallen into a rut and now has a pride that won't accept my help. Communication has been a deafening silence the last couple nights and I don't know what to do.

5 Comments

You're a good woman.

Jan 28, 2015 at 11:05pm

But...a man like this will never want help from you. A man like this needs a mission, he needs to build something, fix something, save a lady in distress. That's why not having a job is such a deflating thing. We guys need that purpose in life.

You can help him best by asking him to help you. Say you need something built, your car fixed, whatever you think he could take on. Not a nagging request, more like "hey, I was thinking of building some shelves, but don't
know how... you think you could help me?"

Once he gets into helping his woman mode, and building/creating mode, you broach the idea of him creating his own job. Plenty of self-employed guys are making things out of wood, welding things, fixing cars, whatever.

Many people throughout history haven't been able to get traditional jobs because they were the wrong race, religion, were ex cons - whatever. The way they got around that was by making their own job. And in many cases becoming very successful.

Support him, love him and remember, he needs to help you. That's the way to help him.

therobotmonster

Jan 29, 2015 at 9:20am

If he wants to learn how to use his back without pain, he could start learning about Alexander Technique. Life sucks if your back hurts. Worked for me much more so than the usual routes of physio, massage, chiro, etc. Peace.

Depends

Jan 29, 2015 at 10:05am

If he harmed only himself through mental, vice issues then by all means I wish him& you well but if he got mixed up in mortgage loans, realtor business and the like that messed up other people then no sympathies from me to your husband or you for be parasites in society.

Stomach pushups.

Jan 29, 2015 at 11:46am

I was run over by a car.

I had to do stomach pushups for five years , my back feels ok but I'll tell you it's hard to get back up when life sucks. He seems like he lucked out with you being so supportive. I had a girlfriend who actually told me my issue was a first world problem and I should get over it. Never say that.

Tell your guy lay face down put his arms and feet up like he's flying and then he has to push up and down with his abdomen. It will strengthen his core and help pull the back in place. I think it's called the mckenzie pose. google it.

My only advice is tell him that you love him and you want your big strong man back. He will resent that comment then do a 180 and take on the challenge. Men in Vancouver have no challenges other then making money so we tend to be bored silly and lose focus. Challenge him in a good way.