I have a good friend who does this as well, every year it's somewhere expensive. She's always on a tight budget like everyone else, which drives me crazy that she picks somewhere $$$, it's selfish. While a b-day is a special occasion, please save the fine dining with your s/o. I have skipped a few b-days 'cause spending $100 on dinner & drinks is beyond my budget.

Thanks for your comments. OP here. You're bang on; it's completely selfish. I guess the person I'm talking about only wants to celebrate with people who can and will financially cover her night out, rather than celebrating WITH EVERYONE. On this "invite" there was never any option presented, like "Does everyone prefer going to A or B?" I would have been happy to go out and give Birthday Wishes, but the cost of entry for this night is going to be $120+ for me, and I have other important things that need addressing first.

Sorry you're poor. Time to work on increasing your income so you don't have to opt out!

Personally I'm a fan of going for birthday sushi. It's cheap, fresh and most people like it.

there is never enough money contributed to cover the tip in these situations, too.

and so do a lot of your friends.

This is how we keep birthday party numbers down. I have had multiple experiences where I invite a lot of people at a reasonable priced restaurant and I end up spending an extra $100 because people left without covering taxes and tip. Only my closest friends who I trust to pay their way will spend the money and I don't have to worry about having a huge annoying table.

I know it sounds rude and if I want to have a large party I invite everyone to my home and have all the food available there for them.

Ok I understand the B-day big deal when your 5 years old and the milestones. But expecting friends to shell out $100 plus per head just to celebrate your birth day is pretty freaking stupid. If you are lucky to have a group of friends to come out and be with you on your birthday that's there gift to you there friend ship and company should be more than enough, expecting them to pick up the bill for you is pretty lame especially if you don't do the same for them when it's there birthday.

Would I be out of line if I suggested that instead of bitching or getting wasted you order an appetizer, one glass of wine, and enjoy excellent decor, atmosphere, service - all the wonderful things that fine dining offers. Look up the restaurant ahead of time, check out their menu and wine list. Learn to appreciate things around you.

2 ideas:

1) invite them out separately for a smaller meal or a lunch.
2) show near the end of the dinner, and order dessert

In your birthday in Thailand, you pay for everything. It seems crazy and expensive, but it's one time a year and everyone that I knew did it, so when it's someone else's birthday, everyone is inclined to go celebrate. It wasn't to expensive restaurants, but it was to decent ones, or it was house parties. Do you really want more than 15-16 people at a dinner party? How much can that be? And when you're paying, you name the restaurant. It makes sense to me...