I understand now that life won't be what I wish it to be.

After seeing and being apart of all the things in my life, I came to a understanding that life will never be perfect. People will never change. There will always be rape, murder, pedophiles, lying, cheating, and the other horrible things. All we do is try to prevent it, when in reality we can't. We should be teaching them how to recover, how to live after it. No, I'm not saying that we shouldn't try to stop it. But all we do is tell them how to avoid it. When I was younger, I was molested by my older cousin. Even though I tried to avoid the subject, I know now that it has affected me and my lifestyle. I'm never going to be what I once was, and thats something I've accepted. Maybe if someone taught me how to recover, how to live life after what happened to me, I might still be okay. I've given up on the perfect life. I stopped caring about others, other than my close family. I don't have friends, because friends don't help me in anyway. My persona in my outer life is nice, I want people to think I'm a sweetheart. I want others to think I'm the nicest, most generous person they know. But honestly, I'm not. I'm not nice, I despise everyone. My opinions on touchy subjects are hurtful and blunt. But to live life outside my head normally, I can't be like that. I didn't want to grow up feeling like this, I'd like to be like other people. But all I've seen from this world is hatred, and negativity. I've given up on humanity, and myself. Of course, I don't tell others. I'd be shunned, and that would make my life even more difficult. The only thing I want and care for in my life is making sure my family grow older in a nice environment, for me to take care of them. I don't want anything else, to be honest. I don't feel the need for any other things. I hate feeling this way, because I know that I'm not normal. I want to be happy, I want to care and feel like others. I don't know why I don't, but I've accepted it. Its will be alright the way things are, because I know what I am. I'm me, and I can't change who I am anymore.

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therobotmonster

Apr 19, 2015 at 1:21pm

You may want to look up a really cool book called The Presence Process. Love, the Robot Monster.

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