"Coffee, tea, or VSOP?"

Not a date, more like a feasibility study. If the other person is annoying, vapid, or can't carry a conversation without a bucket, dinner is a waste of both money and time. Especially true for people who are looking, as they may deal with multiple prospects every month.

Even true for purely platonic purposes. I don't get out much, but when I do, both food and company have to be worthwhile. I'd pay for a beverage with someone (caffeine for me, whatever for them) to find out if we click. If it won't work, I'd rather not spend three-plus hours (driving and eating) finding out - never mind the money.

I don't consider this a date, but that word sounds like an archaic idea to me, anyway. Dates are for teenagers. Admittedly, I'm a bit odd; perhaps the "date" label is normal for others.

Coffee means getting to know you, jeesh, I'm a woman and I even get this.

With tinder, and the abundance of other social media - the flakiness/ how serious a girl is, can be hard to judge. They have so many options at home ( behind a computer screen), that there willingness to be serious or even 'settle' with us as a person is a roll of the dice.

Like another poster said- a coffee is a 'feel you out' to see if you are worth the investment of time, emotions and money.

From my experience dating here you are lucky to get a coffee. It's a walk to see if you're bats hit crazy or a flake so if you can handle that and make a good impression then, and only then will you get my time and energy and go on a date that is thought out and romantic.

Why the women of Bc think they deserve five star first dates is bonkers. Too much tv not enough reality I'm guessing.

It may not be obvious to you but.......if there is no connection or need to leave the situation after a short time for any reason.....a coffee shop makes sense. The men are being decent people by leaving those options open by going to a coffee shop. Sitting through a dinner, movie or going to a scheduled event for a few hours is not appropriate. I have been through a dinner on a blind date where it was not working......it was awful but I was to polite to leave.

The three times I went for dinner on a first date were epic disasters. The first guy had posted 10 year old pictures on POF and suffered from depression; I seriously wanted to escape out the bathroom window but felt stuck.

The second guy never shut up the entire time, and he wasn't the most positive guy. When I tried to talk, he talked over top of me. Again, had to wait to get out of there because of the whole 'dinner' thing.

With the third guy, I think we both knew within the first three minutes that this wasn't going to be a match, but we were both polite and went through dinner, trying to make conversation but dang, it was not fun.

So...coffee dates are awesome. If it doesn't work, you can bail within a reasonable time because you aren't stuck waiting for your dinner (or to finish dinner, or for the bill or whatever).

And if it does work, it can lead into two hours of happy chatter - just like my last 'first date' - I'm marrying that one in a few months.

Dating is tough enough - save dinner for a happy second date.

1. Coffee is low pressure, which is great when you're meeting a stranger.
2. Coffee doesn't necessarily take a lot of time. Which if you're hating your date, is a good thing.
3. Chances are you will have to pay the bill anyway. I'd rather be out $3 for a coffee than $30 for a meal in addition to tasting the bitterness left from a horrific date.

if you expect something fancy on a first date. A first date is a "getting to know you". Often times the chemistry is not there and all you've burned is a 15 minutes having a coffee not stuck in some restaurant for an hour. Wake up girl!

I think that people in their 20s and pathetically even their thirties have learned completely different social graces. First of all, why are you going out with someone you don't know, not even a little? Oh yeah, internet dating, or tinder or whatever the f it's called. I've never gone out with a man that I didn't at least know at least a little. Maybe lay off the social media and meet people in person before you go out with them. Btw, I was raised to believe that men pay for dinner or whatever we do, if he asked me out. Since I've never asked a man out, I've never paid for the first (or second) date. I have however, ended up going out with a few Losers who had NO money (or always claimed not to have any) so I ended up paying for everything, even their mofo weekly groceries (you know who you are). I have long since gained self respect. The perpetually broke guy shouldn't even be on the market.

When I first came back onto the dating scene (and after very little experience with first dates etc) -- I, too, thought that first dates went beyond just a coffee.

But now, coffee dates are actually much preferred and I akin these to more of a 'meeting' vs dates. I've been on some horrendous and painful coffee 'dates' and was thankful I only agreed to go out for coffee. One time, I had to endure a brunch date and it was all I could to prevent stabbing my eye out w/ a fork.

Why would you want to possibly endure a first date over drinks and dinner if there's no chemistry or great convo? It makes you sound vapid TBH.