Finally!

posted June 1st, 2015 at 3:52 PM

Takes me a while but I'm finally understanding when men have my best interests at heart. My friend, who is also my ex-boyfriend, is in an open marriage and because I have been single for awhile, he offered to come over and satisfy some needs for me while I was going through a dry spell (no pun intended...who am I kidding, of course it was intended). I thought he was so thoughtful for offering, even though he knows I won't take him up on it because, married. And then I realized, "Wait a minute. Who benefits from this really?" I finally get that he'd be getting his pie and eating it too, but his wife would have to share him with me and I would have to share him with his wife. Now I remember why we broke up in the first place. Selfish.

16 Comments

Diggy

Jun 1, 2015 at 9:39pm

Do you truly believe he's in an 'open' marriage or was that just some bullshit he fed you? Thoughtful for offering to come and bang you? Haha, funny how I've never heard that "let me come over and fuck you" was a thoughtful gesture towards women.
I'm happy you've spotted his true colours and now you must go forth with your new-found wisdom and don't let any more dudes ever use you again.

How are some women so stupid?

Jun 1, 2015 at 10:11pm

It took you this long to figure out he's just using you? And you actually believe he's in an open marriage? Sometimes I'm embarrassed for my gender and the things they put up with.

geeknomad

Jun 1, 2015 at 11:06pm

So sharing is bad for you, and for his wife...

Perhaps you and he broke up because you sound territorial and possessive, and he is not like that. Maybe his wife isn't, either. Exclusivity is not highly valuable to everyone. There are exceptions.

The golden rule does not apply across all relationships. Other people may want to be treated differently than you think, or than conservative morals decree.

Magic Mike

Jun 2, 2015 at 12:58am

I think you should call him and tell him you have thought it over and that if he brings his wife along, it would be good for you. Once he stops spluttering, you can add that the first time he should just sit in the corner and watch since he's had sex with both of you before but you've never gotten to know his wife as well as you'd need to. After all, if you two are going to be sharing him, you should get to know one another very closely.

seriously?

Jun 2, 2015 at 7:16am

It seems every is attributing bad motives to the fellow. Open marriages and relationships do exist, OK Cupid is full of partners looking for playmates. Just because everyone here is a judgmental type, myself included, doesn't mean the situation isn't as he indicated. Ask to speak to his wife about it, and you will call the bluff pretty fast. A real open relationship won't have any issues with communication.

Bruce

Jun 2, 2015 at 10:48am

" Exclusivity is not highly valuable to everyone. There are exceptions."

With every "open" polyamorous relationship I've known of, there are 1-2 people happy with it, and one person suffering along and trying to keep up appearances. Maybe 1/10 people are wired to be poly, if that, and most of the time they didn't wind up in a primary relationship with another poly-wired person. So that second person gets exploited.

OP to How can women be so stupid

Jun 2, 2015 at 11:35am

I agree with you, except his wife is the one who approached me for a threesome, and then said it was okay by her to have sex with him whenever I needed to scratch that itch, if you will. Don't assume that every situation is the same!