It started when I was a kid. There was a lack of love and 15 moves. I had a hard time making friends and the ones I had could not be maintained. My mother used to tell me I was a loser and that I would never amount to anything. I believed her. I never had a birthday party growing up. I never went to a high school dance. I excepted adversity as the norm. A kind of negative magnet capable of creating a swath through a crowd. It is true, people can sense desperation like dogs sense fear. High school dropout, drug addict, an optimistic suicide. I say optimistic because there was a sliver of hope. I don't know where it came from but at the bottom it manifested as voices. They guided me. I'm neither fixed nor broken. My thinking is still distorted at times but I recognize it as such. I've come to realize that I have total control. Not of the outside world, not of people or of job prospects or life changing opportunities... but of my mind. I now have everything I need. I forgave myself and I have forgiven others. I've learned to love.