It's not your fault. It's the media and pop culture that's brainwashing kids. I know you might disagree with me when I say this but, Maybe someday, someday she will realize this all. The way she is acting. Now days people look up to Narcissists like Nicki Minaj, Lady Gaga, Kesha, and the magazines saying look pretty with this make up. Be skinny in just 5 days. blah blah blah. It's all this crap brainwashing kids, these days. It's disgusting. I don't blame you for disliking your kid. It's unfortunate but it's life. Good luck with everything from here, on. Wishing you the best.

Albeit anonymous.
I think your daughter was the subject matter
by about 4 posts ago titled "Inner Beauty" by someone she knows extremely well?

"She's just not a very nice person...Well, we raised them; it must be our fault (somehow)."

You're probably not a nice person, either. From the way you've written the scenario, your love/kindness/affection isn't unconditional; it is predicated of things like your daughter picking up after herself. I understand how normal this appears to some people, but if you think about it, you will see that you're simply setting up a vicious cycle, where you only get your way once your daughter is broken---and that's what 17th century childrearing textbooks recommend, tho they are at least honest: if you haven't broken your child's will by about age 3, you should just stop trying, because all you're doing will be ineffective--and the child is DOOOMED!

The only specific issue you've mentioned is "clutter," so, you know, I suspect that's pretty typical: you have a certain way you think "nice" people live, and your daughter doesn't, therefore she is thoughtless/narcissistic/mentally disabled/etc. Well, here is what actually nice people don't do: they don't use negative reinforcement, because it doesn't work. So that you seem to dislike your daughter, and indicate you might like her if only she would ____ (fill in the blank) shows that you're not a very nice person. If you're willing to post this sort of thing online, it is probably obvious to your daughter how much you dislike her. Do you think this is motivational? "Pick up after yourself, or mommy won't like you!"

And if she's a mother living with you and with her kid, there is probably some socioeconomic situation going on here---all in all, your folksy "negative reinforcement" model is prob. why she is the way she is, and she won't get better until you change or she gets into a healthy environment where she learns to pick up for her own sake, not because mommy won't love her if she does.

I am sure when it is put that way you can see how much of a headcase you are---or maybe not, maybe you're the real narcissist.

I applaud OP for looking at her predicament in unvarnishe honest way. I believe most a*** holes including yes Hitlers of this world are manifestation of someone in their lives coddling them and encouraging them somehow direct or indirectly. I suggest to all readers is you have a kid who happens to be a little jerk, give them a swift slap on their asses.

@O my .... do you have children? Probably not, you surely wouldn't be so full of yourself if you did

want my kid to turn out this way. I do believe it's how they are raised. There are good kids and bad. Kids art just bad people because of the rest of the world. Its childhood experiences. I was neglected and verbally abused when i was growing up. I was a bad person for a long time because it it. It took a lot of hard work for ME to turn my life around. Good Luck. Lead by example.

has likely not lived with teenagers. The situation the original poster describes with regards to her daughter's obliviousness to the clutter is pretty typical stuff. Teenage girls do tend toward the narcissistic, the dramatic, and the notion that the world revolves around them; nothing new there either. Any of us who are parents, and have been exhausted by trying the sane approach, know that kids do absolutely drive parents crazy at times and the kids are often not the kindest folk around. That said, your (OP) daughter is in a very adult situation now because she has a child, so she will have to pull her weight or move out. It really is that simple. Tough love all the way. She will learn that it's time to grow up. And yes, it is not unusual or weird or wrong to dislike your kids from time to time. We are all just people.

maybe you should be just mother-daughter and not room mates?

It doesn't seem that honest; it is mostly a bunch of whining, and only a little footnote about how it is obviously her responsibility. And of course you seem to suggest the problem is that she has not whaled on her child hard enough. The problem is, I haven't seen any research suggesting this is accurate---except, of course, those ancient childrearing texts that I mentioned, they do contain your view, except if you are going to physically terrorize a human into total obedience, you really need to do it before the human being is three years of age.

Would OP say that she did enjoy cleaning up after her baby, or was it a chore she didn't enjoy? At what point do we figure it became such an issue of resentment? I bet before the child really should have been subjected to such a negative attitude---the simple fact is that having children is very difficult, and if you aren't prepared to have a totally positive attitude about everything from wiping up their poop to potentially looking after them into their 20s because they have cerebral palsy, or are immature, or whatever, then you should probably just not have children.

I think that the Georgia Straight has an odd censorship policy if it prints comments that suggest children should be physically assaulted---if you couldn't do it to an adult (and corporal punishment is considered "cruel and unusual treatment", legally speaking) then it should without saying be forbidden to do to a child. And if speaking metaphorically, I think that the author could have written more directly: "if you don't like your room mate, kick her out!" All in all, having the OP around and resenting her probably isn't half as helpful as the OP thinks it is.

You'd be correct. I'd never have kids; I don't think I have the skillset required, which involves only using positive reinforcement. There are also ecological issues with having kids and issues of prior informed consent to being born. So, you know, for various reasons I simply don't believe in having kids.

"Any of us who are parents, and have been exhausted by trying the sane approach, know that kids do absolutely drive parents crazy at times and the kids are often not the kindest folk around."

You see, I don't think it should be exhausting to be kind and use only positive reinforcement; if it is, this is simply parental inadequacy projected onto the children. "Why do you make me hit you?" says the abusive husband to his wife, or the abusive mother to her child. And there are grades of abuse under physical; for example, contempt, denial of affection, emotional distance, etc. etc. Basically, if the child is put into a situation where it thinks that love, affection, emotional support, etc. are contingent on things like doing housework, that is an abusive relationship, and I am sure we would all recognize that if we had a partner like that; the difference being that if a partner is like that, it's not like we gave birth and trained the partner from cradle to the present, so it's probably not our responsibility. If a parent and child have an abusive relationship, the most likely conclusion is that one or both parents are abusive.

Sure, you can blame "media", but there are plenty of kind, caring people who listen to Gangster Rap or Heavy Metal or Nicky Minaj or whatever influence you want to blame---most of these behaviors are learned by a very early age, often during toilet training, actually. If mom doesn't really love the child pooping, it will develop a retentive, oppressed personality. Like, there's the real litmus test: if you don't have a positive attitude toward pooping, you prob. won't make a good parent.