I am so lost

posted September 4th, 2015 at 1:05 PM

Last year I was in and out of the psych ward numerous times. They finally got me on meds that work to stabilize my mental state. I haven't been to the nut house once this year which to most seems like progress but something isn't right.. I'm extremely depressed and it's mostly situational. I've been trying to pretend like things are okay but they are far from okay. I drink daily and have been doing cocaine for the last 3 months weekly. I feel like I'm losing myself as a person and I find myself hanging out with people who really don't care about me. It seems like the more I get into drugs the more enemies I'm making and the less I'm paying attention to my responsibilities. I feel so lost and it's been this way for a while now. No family to help me through this, room mates are starting to think I'm shady, people are taking advantage of my money, vulnerability and kindness. I want to crawl under a rock, shrivel up and die. I hate myself.

5 Comments

Frankly...

Sep 4, 2015 at 1:47pm

... you sound like your own worst enemy. Only you can help you

Make a call

Sep 4, 2015 at 1:54pm

Its easy to tell someone to stop drinking & using cocaine, its another to actually do that. Please call someone or talk to someone who can help: http://www.bc211.ca/help-lines/

paolo

Sep 4, 2015 at 3:16pm

wow, let's get together tonight!

Goodguy

Sep 7, 2015 at 6:39pm

OP, you're not alone. But please, please consider removing yourself from the drug scene asap. I threw away so much of my life and my soul because of coke. Even though I recently put a stop to 15 years of weekly use, I am very damaged on the inside and it will forever ruin my efforts in finding love...I'm a fuckity-fucked. Please man, you know you're spiraling out of control (as did I) so just do something about it, please. Just go a day without any substances, just try that and then try another.

been there, done that

Sep 8, 2015 at 3:18pm

Dude. Do yourself a favour. Get off coke. You have to do whatever it takes. Take the meds if they are working for you, but any other drug you mix with them is only going to f#ck you up worse. Use the least amount of alcohol you can to ease the coke jones. Maybe red wine because you can sip it. Get outside. Run, ride a bike, walk, go to the gym, make yourself good meals, simplify your life. Go to sleep alot. Don't hang around other people who do drugs.

It will take a while to rebuild your life but it will be worth it. One day you will look back and just shake your head and laugh. I know.