ignorant fake.

posted October 8th, 2015 at 12:06 AM

I try and try to overcome my chronically destructive and impulsive behaviour (substance, food, sex, shopping, you name it), but I just cant seem to get better no matter what I try or do. It's been like this my whole life. Sometimes I feel exhausted by it - other than a few brief month-or-two stints of being well, I've been sick since I can remember. But more often I feel like a piece of shit. There are so many people in the world less fortunate that suffer on a daily basis, which is completely out of their control, yet here I am... A living creation concocted of my own indulgence, weakness, excess. I claim to pride myself on living a life of integrity, but inside I think I might just be a pathetic mess who actually embodies many of the very things I claim to stand against. Am I just an ignorant fake?

2 Comments

Anonymous

Oct 8, 2015 at 8:37am

Go to a 12 step group and admit you need help--a support group with a success record. Addiction robs us of intimacy with self and others.
If you really are ready to change, go to a group that knows about all aspects of addiction.

FeltIneededtorespondtothis

Oct 8, 2015 at 10:26pm

You are human! life can be challenging to navigate and as humans we have a hard time making choices that have long term benefits. It sounds like you have incorporated some self sabotage moves into your routine which might mean you have some beliefs that you don't deserve a better life style. Try taking a look at those beliefs, either through counselling or your own process and see if you can address those beliefs, because you deserve to lead a better life and to care for yourself. Trust me that this is not an uncommon journey. Every person is working on their own self love.