Left out
posted November 26th, 2015 at 9:43 AM
I made mistakes. Everyone makes them. I said some things I didn't mean, in the heat of the moment, when I was feeling under attack - I was defensive and angry and hurt - everybody gets worked up sometimes. I didn't mean everything I said - and I was young, still learning lessons and how to stand up for myself in the right way. I know that things take time for people to be able to forgive or move on, and I know that maybe I don't even deserve that - but it's not even really about me. I just wish that for his sake, she would be in the same room as me. I'm scared that if we ever have kids they'll never get to experience what it's like to have an aunt (I only have brothers) because she doesn't want anything to do with me. Right now it's not so bad that I can never go to any oh his family holiday events unless his sister isn't there, but if we're really doing this, if he's not just lying when he says he loves me, and if he's not just living with me and sharing a car and a cat with me because it's convenient, if he's actually going to marry me one day and have a family with me... that's what I'm worried about. I can handle being the one left out of every family thing as just his girlfriend, but how can I do that as his wife or the mother of his kids? How can I tell my kids "I can never go to family events with you on your dad's side of the family because your aunt doesn't like me"... I don't know if that's something I can do. I love my brothers and I would do anything for them, including putting things behind me in order to include their significant others in our family get togethers, no matter how much I might not like them if my brothers had chosen to love them and made the decision to be in a serious, committed, long term relationship with them then I would want to be supportive of my brothers and that would include accepting their partners. I'm not looking forward to Christmas this year at all. I already missed out on birthdays, Easter, Thanksgiving. I was so excited because a relative had invited us to dinner, but now I just can't go because if I go it ruins her Christmas and I don't want to do that to someone, so I'll just stay home by myself. I know I made mistakes, but how long do I have to live like I've just done something wrong? I have apologized from afar because I don't want to offend by reaching out - I know she doesn't care and would rather I get hit by a bus or something - but I do hope that she knows I didn't mean what I said and I hope one day she'll be in the same room as me - if not I guess my life is going to be pretty sad every time a holiday comes up.
5 Comments
Post a CommentAnonymous
Nov 26, 2015 at 10:53am
If you really love this person then you need to figure out where you stand. If he wants you in his life, forever after then sister dear is going to have to get over it, But YOU need to bite the bullet, attempt to invite her out to lunch and tell her how you feel, be honest and be prepared she might not accept. At least you made the attempt. You can't live your life with someone who won't share all of his with you and vice versa. You sound like you feel pretty bad about whatever it is you said, and if you are genuine she'll see that, if she chooses not to at least you tried.
Good luck
My thoughts
Nov 26, 2015 at 11:39am
1. Break up with him if you feel like you absolutely have to have children, but can't reconcile with the sister and engage with his family
2. Stay with him, marry him, don't have children.
Mr 57
Nov 26, 2015 at 12:22pm
I think you will have to apologize in person, there is no real substitue for that. She may want to make you feel like crap one more time but you may have to accept that just to get over the whole situation. If she is a real b1tch then she may hold it over your head even if the family situation normalizes. At least then you will be able to attend family functions like you should be able to. I would sure hope your BF actually does want to marry you and want to have kids if you have to go thru so much grief. If that part works out then one day the shoe will be on the other foot, you will have a baby and the aunt will want to be included. ...... But until then it would definitly be a good idea to try and right the situation, get the whole family back on track as best you can.
Mr 57
Nov 26, 2015 at 12:23pm
I think you will have to apologize in person, there is no real substitue for that. She may want to make you feel like crap one more time but you may have to accept that just to get over the whole situation. If she is a real b1tch then she may hold it over your head even if the family situation normalizes. At least then you will be able to attend family functions like you should be able to. I would sure hope your BF actually does want to marry you and want to have kids if you have to go thru so much grief. If that part works out then one day the shoe will be on the other foot, you will have a baby and the aunt will want to be included. ...... But until then it would definitly be a good idea to try and right the situation, get the whole family back on track as best you can.
Maybe look into "apology languages"?
Nov 26, 2015 at 5:20pm
I understand that your situation is complexed but thought maybe this article could help a little bit... Best wishes of sincere reconciliation.
"These apology languages aren’t magic potions. It’s always hard to apologize and to do it successfully. Understanding these 5 apology languages eases the process of apologizing and reconciliation – because after all, what people want to know when you are attempting to apologize is “Are you sincere?” " http://h3sean.com/effective-ways-apologize/
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