Lonely

Not sure if I have a depression or am just lonely. Got some antidepressant meds from my Dr today but I think if I just had some friends and some people around me, I wouldn't feel this way. Not sure whether to start taking the meds. Divorced female, empty nester living alone, retired, slim but not athletic. I imagine living in a big house sharing activities with others and maybe someone to snuggle in bed at night. I have to pay to have someone to talk to (counselor) or be touched (massage therapist.) Do I have to take a medication to not feel sad?

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geeknomad

Dec 1, 2015 at 12:12am

The pills will take the give-a-shit away, so there's that...

I'd give you the stock Vancouver response - to join a clique (yoga, hiking, biking, ecology, ideology, books, volunteerism, sadomasochism, etc.), but it sticks in my throat and won't come out. If you were a dog person, that would be companionship and an easy "in" with other dog people (too diverse to be a clique, and receptive to newcomers), but choose the breed wisely or your life will get complicated. Cesky terriers seem like a good small-dog bet, and Basenjis are barkless and cuddly, though cheeky and willful (strong-ish personality required).

Lonely in Van is nothing unusual. There are "strictly platonic" sections on some websites, for people just seeking to hang out and be social.

Hope you find your non-medicated way.

My 2 cents

Dec 1, 2015 at 12:49am

Personally, I see the meds as a cover up. There is nothing wrong in feeling sad and lonely. If you take the meds, you're masking the source of pain, and removing the motivation to go change things in your life. Ideally you use the sadness and loneliness to spur yourself toward a more satisfying life for yourself. If you're on meds, you won't feel the pain, and you won't change a thing in your life.

I am not saying this in a mean spirited way; I am just giving you my honest opinion about emotion-altering drugs.

Just imagine this: you take your meds, you're home alone "stoned" and feeling nothing (not sadness, not joy, not productive nor proud). Multiply this scenario by 30 days, 60 days. It's not leading to things that you want.

Rethink the meds. And it's ok to pay for touch in massage, and an empathetic ear in a cousellor. Of course it would be ideal to get those things free in people we know, but don't worry about that for now.

Fucitall.

Dec 1, 2015 at 7:19am

Lonely. Vancovuerites need to grow up and know the difference between being lonely and depressed, sarcasm vs jokes and being polite vs being actually nice.

Do not take those drugs or you will become depressed. Modern meds are nothing but a hook. I bet the side effects are greater than the actual help the say they do.

Men with benefits are everywhere so try talking to us with intent or you can simply do the look around for a few seconds and update your phone until a white knight comes along.

Choices. Approach men or stay lonely.... choices....

Well...

Dec 1, 2015 at 11:31am

My dentist likes to joke about how "if you eat a healthy balanced diet, your teeth, mental health, etc. will be fine. Nobody eats a healthy balanced diet." Or at least not enough people to put the dentists and pill-pushers out of work.

My stock response isn't so touchy-feeling. Download the IOM's tables and reports, read them. Or just the summaries. Also look at boron, which isn't in the table, but should be---it's strange to me that it isn't, the evidence for boron's necessity in the diet is quite compelling, at min, at the 1-4mg d^-1 level.

Also walk for two hours a day, or exercise for two hours a day---two is really the minimum, all studies show this, but they don't tell workers that because it would be depressing to have to commute 1h each way, work 9-5 (8-6 with commute) and then have to exercise for 2h (7-7) on top of that to stay healthy.

Don't do it

Dec 1, 2015 at 11:39am

I contemplated medication when I was at my lowest but all it does is numb the pain. It doesn't solve the actual problem. I guess only you know what lengths you'll go to solve that. My suggestion - don't adopt a dog or cat right away but visit them at the shelter. They are looking for attention and affection too and you can give that to them. If you are allergic, maybe cuddle parties is what you're looking for (they're an actual thing!). Maybe you need a roommate or international students to look after. Lots of options for companionship that don't involve paying someone to pay attention to you. I know how you feel. Keep trying different things until something works for you. Don't give into the pills unless you absolutely have to for your own safety. Good luck!

OP here

Dec 1, 2015 at 11:59am

Thank you for your comments. Maybe it is beyond sad and lonely, sometimes it is such a low that I panic and don't know how to bear it and think about going to the hospital. I honestly don't think I would be capable of going out to meet strangers or a hook up. Unfortunately, I am allergic to all pets, otherwise one would be nice. I haven't started the meds, am going to try going for a long walk and meditative breathing.

Counselors

Dec 1, 2015 at 2:03pm

can charge $160 to 200 a visit to talk to you. Massage is $70 to 100 an hour. So for a retired person on a pension you are paying about $1000 a month for this soothing once a week and what about all of the other hours and days? Sometimes these don't really feel like meaningful connections because they are strangers who will go home to their own friends/family. Loneliness can be a challenging issue.

Cannabis

Dec 1, 2015 at 5:10pm

Smoking a bit of cannabis every now and then might help

Cate

Dec 1, 2015 at 10:43pm

I am truly lonely too ...I wish there was a place to go for coffee, etc. and hang out where there are LOTS of people and soak up the vibes and maybe chat with a stranger. I live in the suburbs, so believe me, there are only Soccer Moms and Mini-Van Dads out here seemingly.
Hang in there, and try nature ...walking (free), and know that there are people just like you who are lonely. You are not alone.

You are healthy, wealthy and free!!!!!

Dec 2, 2015 at 9:20pm

No need to be lonely. Count your blessings and freedom. Volunteer, take classes, join clubs. Start a business where you meet people every day. Take a seat on a bench on the seawall and start a conversation. There are many single men. Move to Qualicum Beach. 70% retired folk.

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