Yeah, I could have written this about my estranged husband. It's so fucking hard to prove this kind of abuse. I wish I could offer you something helpful other than some understanding deeply what it's like. Reach out for some help, it gets worse, not better.

I have a fair few thoughts on this, mainly from having both been the victim and, very unfortunately the victimizer, and thus maybe my experience can shed some light that may help you move forward?

For starters you appear to have very low self esteem. Your looks and weight are hardly factors by which you should love or hate yourself. That's so unhealthy! Start by loving yourself, challenge your thoughts about yourself and come to terms with who you are and value your worth. That, not your partner, is the biggest problem In the long run!

In my own case my low self-esteem made me make unhealthy decisions that were detrimental to my relationship. When my partner complained to me, instead of seeing it for what it was, a complaint that could be addressed and resolved, I took it personally. That I was no good, or less worthy. This in turn fueled me to fire back in a way that destroyed their self esteem. "She brings out the worst in me" was something I would often think to myself, as I'd never been this way with anyone else, ever! No, she just confirmed what I already felt and I misdirected my own self esteem issues back onto her.

Secondly by feeling low self worth, I reflected it in my daily actions. "No one will want to hire me" leads you to forfeit hiring opportunities. "No one will love me" leads you to avoiding approaching people who may in fact take interest you. It's all a self fulfilling prophecy. Yet she once loved you, so how can you say no one else will?? She's still with you. She's probably frustrated with your inability to resolve certain issues, or maybe her abuse is a reflection of her own self esteem issues. Hell I remained with my (now enstranged) wife despite all the drama because, whether she hurt me or I hurt her, I still loved her at the time. I lashed out because I wanted her to change so desperately, to value you me, encourage me, and appreciate me (much like you) and I didn't know how to make her. And I was dead wrong.

Finally you need to take a clear stand. If she is just plain abusive, seek help and advice from those around you.

To shine a ray of light your way I can tell you that with help, I managed to rebuild my self esteem, build truly healthy relationships, move forward and succeed. No abuse, no natta. I really hope you see that you too can. Read the book "Feeling Good" by Dr. Burns

You need to find the funds to leave. I do understand there might an obstacle to this we don't know about, but if there is any way on Earth, do what it takes, and go for it with everything you've got. Think outside the box for yourself and explore something really different that you've not considered before.
Hopefully you two can reconcile some day. People can change. But not right now, time and distance needed.

mom is a hurt person and she is trying to be protective but that comes out as dysfunction. the best thing you can do is get independent at least in your home you mind. Can you could call on other resources to get at least some time out from your living space that might help.