Let me help with an edit:
It's a man's and a woman's job to respect each other, and to give each other something to respect.

So it's a woman's responsibility to conform to your standards so that you'll treat them like human beings? Don't you see how flawed that line of thinking is? Don't you see all the "she was asking for it" and victim blaming it puts on people?

I know you're just talking about "ma'am" and "sir" but dude. Not cool. Respect people, even if they're not being whatever you think "respectable" is.

If you want to show a female respect and not make her feel old, call her "Miss".
That will get an embarrassed-looking but pleased smile & maybe a giggle.

How about not saying anything at all? Just have a normal exchange without sir and madam? I work in the service industry and it's easy to do. It feels more natural and not so stiff and no one gets offended.

I usually go with bb and brah.

women have told me about the first time they were called 'maam'. they were somewhat taken aback. none of them liked it at all. to them it made them feel older. not cool

You say you address people in this way out of respect, but in this society on the southern edge of western Canada, neither of those terms are positively associated. We pretty much only hear "Sir" when it goes along with something like "Sir you've had enough to drink". As for "ma'am", this isn't the US south. It comes from "madame" which indicates a married woman, and is just awkward and weird to be addressed in a way that presumes your marital status.
And what do you call people who don't comply with gender norms or labels? Or are they beneath you to talk to?
I suggest you ditch the antiquated terms and just be polite in a way where no one will be offended.

Agree with the first comment. Was completely on board until that last line.
"A woman's job to give him something to respect."

Get over yourself. We don't owe you anything.

@needed editing.

YES.

I'm in my early 30s and I call everyone sir, regardless of age or gender. For some reason, it amuses me. Dudes think I'm calling them old, but I am not.