I've long felt the same way, my friend. What to do about this? Remember that every day you're writing your own obituary...so live in a way that matters, not just to you, but to other people.

I would go to your funeral. Big hug.

Go to yours, if you go to mine.

what kind of food will be at the reception?

Seeing as you'll be dead, likely you won't be very bothered. More important how you live in the moment, no?

You won't notice the difference.