resentful of resentment

posted February 3rd, 2016 at 10:16 PM

my husband's family is resentful of us and my family. we are much better off financially and have the means to travel. all of us have worked hard for what we have and enjoy to spend our time off travelling with each other. my husband and i spend time with his family on a regular basis and we show them our love. we take them out once in a while and always bring gifts on special occasions. but almost all of them show resentment by making comments and always moan about their financial situation in front of us. we try to be understanding, but fuck it gets tiring especially when we see them making poor decisions with their money. we've tried to let them know gently when they're making a bad decision with their money, but they ignore us and go and do it anyways. they then ask us for money which we refuse to give. if they made a bad decision once or twice and asked us for help, we may be willing to help dependent on the situation. but it is a pattern that has repeated over time, and we're not willing to bail them out with our hard earned cash. we keep our travel talks to a minimum so as to not rub it in, basically just telling them so that they know they won't be able to reach us. i wonder how bad the resentment is going to become in the coming years. this is how we enjoy spending our time and we're going to travel so long as we have the ability to. it's getting to the point where I just want to tell them off………………..

4 Comments

Jann

Feb 4, 2016 at 7:46am

Look, I get that it's annoying. Try to show some compassion. You don't need to justify how hard you've worked, because god knows there are plenty of people who don't work hard for their millions, at all. These people are family. What will you tell them off for, being worse off than you?
If you truly appreciated what you have, you wouldn't resent those who aren't as fortunate.

families, eh

Feb 4, 2016 at 7:53am

Money is difficult, and some people, no matter how similar their story, might have it more difficult than you in terms of stress management, emotional control being a really pleasant person, strife and not having opportunities youve had or shitty things in the midst of those opportunities. I'm not saying give money, I'm just saying don't blame their financial situation on them, nobody deserves anything. It's unfair they are resentful, but if you take them out occassionally, I'm sure it'll smooth over( they have a disadvantage for being able to afford a good time out) and communication will key in.

If you're so well off...

Feb 4, 2016 at 11:57am

Then maybe you could buy a couple of capital letters to make your wall of text (TL;DR) at least appear to be coherent.

Totally get it

Feb 4, 2016 at 1:52pm

Sorry - disagree with both responses. My wife and I decided when we married to travel - so we made lifestyle choices to make that happen. We've owned a total of two cars - paid 2900 for the most expensive one. People say we're lucky to travel, but they go out to dinner 4 times a week, to two hockey games a month, the theatre, etc etc - we decided to take that money and travel. Your choice. Stop complaining. My family long ago stopped complaining (I think around the 17th country we visited)....

Read here one guy spends 600 a month on pot - 7200 bucks buys a "once in a life time" kind of holiday - and YOU CAN afford it, your choice is to get high. My choice is to climb Machu Pichu, then swim with turtles in the Galapagos.

My brother makes way more money than me, says he has no money to travel, but drives two cars, his wife drives an suv, has a speed boat, a trailer, two skidoos and a motorcycle. His financial situation is his blame to take! When you're talking 3 and 4 grand a month in toys, doesn't take a genius to figure you "can't" travel!

My answer to talk about lending money is that I don't have money to lend. End of discussion.