I am going to be my own boyfriend

posted March 14th, 2016 at 1:19 AM

I've been feeling very lonely lately. I was laying in bed staring out the window tonight thinking why does it have to be like this? Something popped into my mind.. I'm searching daily, looking at people on the street wondering is that my soul mate? Where is my soul mate and will I ever find them at all in this life? In the past I've found when I become obsessed with the idea of love it seems it's nowhere to be found. When I finally give up and begin to just go about my life not caring I become happy and this energy flowing from me seems to eventually attract people. At that point I'm kind of feeling like it seems like a cruel joke and I'm no longer interested. I've found I'm entertained with my own company by then. What if somehow we knew that we would never find our soulmate? If we knew for sure for whatever reason that we would never truly find love. I was thinking.. how would I live my life differently? This is somewhat strange but tomorrow I'm going to try to be my own boyfriend. I wrote out a list of what my perfect soulmate would be like. Tomorrow I'm going to treat myself as if I am my own true love. my soul mate: -shares my sense of humor. -is also shy -doesn't intimidate me with intelligence - is very happy -accepts me for who I am -doesn't mind me being a hermit -gives me positive affirmations about myself when I'm feeling down -tells me I'm beautiful, unique and powerful -loves my natural beauty but also loves when I wear makeup (as long as I'm happy) - does not ridicule me -influences and brings out the best in me by staying positive -brings out my creative side -encourages me to be healthy -loves me unconditionally.

10 Comments

SumOne

Mar 14, 2016 at 2:44am

really enjoyed this confession, from the list to your initial thoughts. About what you said about love only coming when you aren't searching...one summer I had just destroyed my long-term relationship over an unrequited love and was not feeling so great, so I spent my days alone on the beach reading novels (about love, what a bad idea). One day a woman literally fell in my lap, and I had a great summer with her. So, maybe be open for that person who stumbles into your life when you aren't looking?

I can relate

Mar 14, 2016 at 3:15am

However I frame it as learning to be my own best friend. Also, I think this concept of soulmate or "true love" is flawed. Love happens when you meet the right person at the right time, and you both make the effort to make it work.

Enough with the lists

Mar 14, 2016 at 9:38am

I could not help but notice that every quality your "perfect soulmate" has revolves around your own needs. It sounds like you need someone to validate you, encourage your creativity, bring out the best in you, etc. Your list makes you sound like you need guidance, not a boyfriend. Take the time to shine on your own; looking for someone else to do the hard work for you is not the way to go.

OP

Mar 14, 2016 at 1:10pm

@Enough

It only revolves around me because it's only going to be me... If there were an actual other person (said boyfriend) I would be applying these things toward them. I guess I was a little unclear but this is the way I would treat someone. As for guidance, I think everyone needs a little bit of that sometimes. I'm just trying to be positive and focus my attention on not feeling lonely and in dire need of a partner. The reason validation comes into it is because I do feel inadequate sometimes and I recognize and acknowledge that. Giving myself positive affirmations and being kind to myself is my way of building self esteem and rejecting self hate. I would not necessarily expect that from someone but I'm not going to lie, it's nice to hear from time to time. Anyways, just trying to make a change that's all.

9F

Mar 14, 2016 at 4:50pm

Too many rules. You need a babysitter. And there is no such thing a soulmate. And nothing ever comes to you, you have to have the courage to go out there, present yourself, and ask for it. And how do you expect to ever get better if he can't criticize you, for what you may need to hear. By all means, be your own boyfriend, but I'm certain that even you will dump own self.