Awww. You sound like an amazing woman, funny and kind sounds like great characteristics for a partner. Not everything is about looks for the right man. You do not want to be with a partner who is that superficial. Attraction is much more than looks. You can be the best looking man who is unkind and dull and that would not make you very attractive to many. You do not need to but when I feel that way I go and do something fun for myself, take up belly dancing, have your makeup done at the beauty store. You are beautiful and special, do not let anyone or yourself make you think anything different.

You sound like a lovely woman who has some low self-esteem issues and I don't think they are just tied to your weight/looks. How do you feel about the rest of your life?

I urge you to work on improving your self esteem along side the changes you are making physically because you deserve to feel good about yourself, regardless of your outside appearance. You can't rely on the opinion of others for this, it needs to come from within.

As @hug said attraction is more than just looks and a partner that you would want to spend your life with needs to be able to see your inner beauty. But first you need to see how beautiful you are.

It isn't your looks or your weight... what comes across in your post, at least to me, is how self-conscious you sound. You're just focusing on how you look, how you sound, how you come across to others... you're a little self-centered. I think things would be different if you focused on others. Stop making yourself anxious by thinking about yourself. It's a sure way of creating insecurities

Our culture has brainwashed us to be very self-criticizing and competitive people. We can't seem to stop measure ourselves up to others and then we let ourselves feel like crap because we aren't them! How much more do you make, how much skinnier are you than me, how much bigger is your house is than mine, how happy they must be in a relationship, etc. Focus on the yourself and your positive attributes (funny, charming, kind and keep listing them) than the 1 negative thing you said, weight. I don't think the weight is what you need to change. You need to stop pinpointing all the negative things that you think you are and staring at it through a microscope. Start living your life. None of those strangers matter and you are the one that has to live in your skin whether it makes you happy or sad. You are the only person that can make you happy and not feel despair. Not some guy.

We always feel lonelier when we don't love ourselves. Anyways sorry for the long rant. Sending a big hug your way and hope today you start fresh and love yourself. It will get better. Eventually you will feel lovable, attractive and all the things that you should already feel with or without that guy.

I was a skinny guy fixated my whole life on gaining muscle. Nothing ever changed and I worked hard at it. I changed my thinking into becoming stronger (weights increasing instead of becoming bigger), and surprise! I became muscular quickly. So, I think instead of focusing on losing weight, your focus should be on improving diet. Try going vegan. Eliminating meat and cheese shifts your diet into higher carb, lower fat and you'll probably lose weight.

I can relate to you OP. Even though I'm currently looking and feeling the best, best, best I have in years and years (after letting myself really go to sh*t this past winter), I just know that if I find an amazing gal she'll just see what all the others have seen...and away she'll go never to return. I'll have to throw out my female repelling truth bomb #1 "well yes I am in my early 40s and have never had a girlfriend." Yeah, what a catch eh?
Nonetheless, I'm going to give it a good pop this summer and put myself out there but it's hard to find amazing women in my age range who are single and wanting to date such a weird and wonderful fella.
I totally agree with what some of the other posters have said, you gotta have love for #1 - I am just starting to taste some self love and pride after 15 dark years hating thy self and despising how I looked. I am working my ass off for it but it's the most rewarding journey I've even been on. Give it a shot and get swept up in the endorphins!

Higher carb, lower fat? What is this, 1990? Higher fat, lower carb diets are the way to lose weight, most fatties on low fat diets are EFA deficient.

Mainstream media and society has most of the population brain washed. People want that magazine cover look in a partner, plus tons of money, plus tons of free time, plus sharing all the same likes/dislikes. It is ridiculous and nobody wants to admit they're being towed by the trendy carrot that's being dangled in front of them so nothing changes.

Since when did a type of diet become an old fashion? Everyone is different and gets different results.

To OP,

I have been there. And trust me I get how you feel. But it is so easy to blame everything on your weight. Don't be that person. You listed things you feel good about yourself. Good. But let others see it. Also, remember; your weight and your physic is the least interesting thing about yourself.

I am sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, but the only advice I can give is FUCK MEN YOU DON'T NEED EM. You don't need to look like Scarlett fucking Johanssen to feel self-worth or happiness. Girls everywhere have been fucked with in the head thanks to video games, movies, television, etc. and unfortunately 99% of those with a penis expect us to be financially successful, witty, demure, flirtatious, and above all, beautiful. Do NOT let yourself be a victim of this cesspool...read more, exercise for your body's health not for "that bay watch bod". Drink tea. Watch a fantastically weird/inspiring movie and cry into the fur of your dog/cat (or teddy bear?). Chin up buttercup. <3