you can't control who you love, you can't control what hurts you and in this society, we believe so much in will power and emotional control. it really results in a blame the victim mentality and a lack of support, considering how many different styles everyone has of getting over people. I'm sorry you are going through this. Someday, shockingly, you will be able to joke about this period of your life. like a year after life continues on and you suddenly stop thinking about them and realize how not so perfect you two are for eachother.

Everything you say rings profoundly true and it's true, I never thought of it that way.

I guess betrayal/disappointment/shock over relationships is put in a different category - like, an injury to your plans and dreams, rather than to bones and tissues.

Having a fundamental understanding that people, deep down, might suck. That comes easily to some of us. It is not to your discredit that the emotions linger.

People who lose their legs to a drunk driver through no fault of their own don't wake up and cry about how their legs don't work. They're too busy kicking ass at wheelchair basketball and rugby.

"Years ago"? "Emotional continuity"? Please... If you choose to get wedged in the past and stay there, by all means - it's your life, have at'er. Expecting other people to validate, or even tolerate, your self-indulgent moping and daily, self-inflicted misery is pathetic. That said, you'll likely find some people to indulge you (already have, I bet), and you will call them good friends because they don't call you on your bullshit. I've seen this behavior persist over a decade. The effect on the person's health (physical and psychological), well, yeah, there are fates worse than death. Good luck with that.

How do you know they don't cry over their legs not working when they're alone? Yes they're kicking ass at sports and finding ways to cope. Doesn't mean they're happy about their situation at all, it just means they've found a way to find happiness in spite of their injury.

For instance do you think they're happy that they are constantly pitied because they're disabled? That society finds them some sort of inspiration for doing things that able bodied people could easily do but they treat tasks like they are some sort of godly accomplishment? Any idea how annoying, disrespectful and insulting that is?

Probably not. Because you've never thought about it. And that's okay because most people don't. But I hope you choose to now.

And OP I agree with you. People's attitudes toward emotions are heartless and cold especially when everyone grieves in their own time. Clear lack of understanding and empathy. Emotional pain is just as awful as physical pain and the scars are lasting. Some things you don't get over you just learn to live with. Sorry you're going through this.

Comparing your inability to control your emotions with the loss of legs is rather narcissistic don't you think?

Your nervous system has not been affected, just your own mental state, which is totally controllable by you. So what - your ex doesn't want you. Time to move on. That's what you do in life - obsessive ridiculous behaviour is why stalking laws exist, why so many people are killed by an ex - because they refuse to acknowledge that they actually are responsible for how they feel.

You think crying in the morning will get the ex back? They would laugh at you for being so juvenile as not being able to control your own emotions.

You are allowed to feel the way you do. You are correct.

But you can CHOOSE what to do.

Choose to wake up and enjoy the Vancouver sun (or rain). Get out the door, do something fun. You can be hurt, but you can choose to lie in bed or get out of bed.

Start with "I choose to" instead of "I can't" and then fill in the blanks.

"Your nervous system has not been affected, just your own mental state, which is totally controllable by you."

Uh...welcome to 2016, where we understand that mental state is reducible to nervous system state. You can draft in the liver or whatever other organs you want, go for a "total body" definition, but it's ridiculous to suggest people control their mental states, as distinct from their nervous systems.

I'm getting the sense that there are just lots of people like you who cannot really reconcile modern neuroscience with all of the folksy things we do, many of which cause others pain. Like, we now have a culture that is hyper-obsessed with pain caused by bullying, which used to be taken as a normal part of growing up. Well, maybe in 40 years we'll recognize that breaking up with someone is a sort of assault, just like we now recognize bullying is.

unfortunately, you're wrong - modern neuroscience has shown that the body is controllable by the mind.

Stalker alert! Welcome to 2016, where we have a culture that is also hyper-obsessed with consent. A romantic relationship requires the continuous consent of both parties. Either party has a right to end it. Getting dumped sucks. But just because something is painful doesn't mean it's an assault. Here in 2016 we are also very aware of mental health issues. That's why we have mental health workers to help people when they really can't control their mental states.