The monster rears its ugly head
posted May 20th, 2016 at 4:46 PM
I thought I was finally doing alright. My life is more together than it's ever been- got a cool job, a good guy, a place to live...And yet here I am. Laying in bed at 4:42pm feeling completely hopeless and revolting. Feeling like I am inconsequential. Nothing. I know I am not alone in this. I know how to cope and make it through another day. I just wish it wasn't so. All the meds and exercise and friends and therapy and money in the universe can't rid me of this feeling of being truly alone and small.
8 Comments
Post a Commentan upside
May 20, 2016 at 7:45pm
I wish I was more alone and small.
Me too
May 20, 2016 at 9:05pm
I hit that wall late last week. I described it to a therapist friend and he suggested that, given my history, it wasn't depression but a classic trauma response (I have PTSD). He asked if there were any anniversaries, I told him no, those have all passed. Then I remembered something from nearly 10 years ago that I hadn't thought of since it happened and never dealt with. The moment I recalled it, things got worse briefly but quickly it all made sense.
I'm not back up to 100% yet, but I haven't been waking up telling myself to die for several days now.
I'm just wondering if the same may apply for you? I've learned that my trauma response can feel -- to me -- like depression when it really isn't. I've just put myself back in an old box and need to remind myself I'm not that person anymore and don't have to behave like that.
Passing pain
May 20, 2016 at 10:34pm
It's almost the Supermoon. Wait.
See you on the other side. I bet you're rad.
Anonymous
May 21, 2016 at 2:31am
Lose the "meds".
If you
May 21, 2016 at 4:00am
Think so you'll be so. You are what you think. The narrative of your mind dictates the narrative of your life.
So stop
May 21, 2016 at 8:03pm
thinking about yourself and start doing for others. Volunteer your time to help others far less fortunate than yourself. The return will be at least two-fold....
Just a suggestion
May 23, 2016 at 11:10am
You should give "The Power of Now" a read by Eckhart Tolle. It will help you get out of your own head and live life with a different perspective. Or maybe it won't help at all but it's worth a shot. It's a life changer if you're ready for a change.
@Anonymous
May 24, 2016 at 10:30am
You are nobody's psychiatrist (unless you are, in which case you should know better) and in no way should ever encourage anyone with depression to "lose the meds" - shame on you.
I'm sorry you're feeling hopeless, I understand what that's like. And the hardest thing about it is feeling like it has no end - but it does. It will ease up, you'll be able to clear your head, and things will look better. Keep on keeping on until then - everyone out there who has experienced the same thing is on your side and pulling for you!
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