It's tough to navigate the system and find help when you are struggling. One of the problems I found when I was looking for help is that psychiatrist are not effective. They like handing out prescriptions but are not great at talk therapy which I find way more effective (in combination with the drugs so you can get perspective). The system only covers psychiatrist so if you want to get a good therapist your paying an arm and a leg for, which for most with mental health issues is money that they do not have. I hope that soon someone recommends a therapist to you that will be effective and will work within your budget. Good luck OP. Don't lose faith yet. Trust me, it can come together for you.

Change starts with you. No one will do it for you.

Making yummy food, listening to Stevie Wonder and walking.
Only those things.

Say, 'I am safe. I am whole. I am loved.' every day for 2 weeks.

See what happens.
(I failed at killing myself once and I'm now happy most of the time.)

'Conventional' help isn't the only kind of help out there.

It should never be this hard. The system is truly broken. I admire your strength and perseverance. Please know you are wonderful with great gifts, even if those around you don't know it!

My heart breaks for you. The lack of empathy, compassion and understanding for those who are barely surviving, emotionally and financially in this godforsaken province, is appalling! I have struggled with my inner demons, too, for many, many decades. Sometimes the demons win, but more and more often, I succeed in beating them back. What keeps me fighting to live, moment to moment and day to day, is my determination to prove everyone
- wrong - about me. I refuse to give up on myself. I refuse to let the world continually tell me I'm not "good enough" to have a clean, safe, peaceful, decent place to live. I refuse to allow the world to tell me I don't "deserve" to be treated with love, or, respect. I quite often suspect that almost everyone I have ever met in my entire life, has seen me as some "thing" to be used and then ignored, pushed aside and made invisible. I have often felt that the world at large, has considered me to be some "thing" to be treated like a servant, because people "like me" can't possibly have any hopes or dreams that could be of any importance to anyone. People "like me" aren't worthy to be fully supported in achieving anything significant in the world. People "like me" simply , don't "deserve".

I don't know if this is of any help to you at all but, the more the world tries to beat me down and keep me down, the more determined I am to fight back. The more I am pushed aside and ignored, the more determined I am to prove to them that I - DO - deserve! I know I have my own individual, unique gifts to offer the world and I am determined to fight until my very last breath, to live my dreams. Don't let the world beat you down! Fight back!

I work in this system and we are doing such great injustice to the people who depend/need it!! I am so sorry we are failing you, I really hope you can get help

The first thing is please never, ever give up. Bottom line.
I've been where you are. You're so far down the tunnell it's hard to see the light. Even when you see the light it can be hard to move your feet towards it. It's debilitating to the core and I completely understand and empathize with you. I'm sorry you're going through this.
What exactly do you feel obligated to stay here for? I think the obligation should be to fulfil a wonderful and happy existence. Suicide (I'm sure you've heard this a million times) is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Life is already so short as it is.
As a person who is coming out of depression sometimes it can be hard to think back to the worst I've ever felt but I have to force myself to remember so that I can appreciate how far I've come.. so let's get you on the right path.

I was also living alone and when you're feeling as down and out as you are its actually best to live around people. It may seem like a huge task to move and you may be socially anxious to do so but please give it a try. It will take you out of your own head. It will keep limit time that you give for negativite thoughts and worries. Remember, worrying is a misuse of imagination.

The longer you stay inside your home the worse it gets. You just HAVE to force yourself to do tiny steps each day and I promise you it will get better. The best way to start is wake up when the rest of the world is asleep and go for a walk around the block. Just 5 or 10 minutes. Breath the fresh air and know in your heart you are not alone. Now I know it's really easy for someone to say just do it, just force yourself to go outside but as someone who can empathize with you 100% you must try. I can't put enough emphasis on this. I was so scared to leave my house. Also, what is the reasoning behind your fear? You have to try to dig deeper. I know it can feel like homework that you don't want to so but self exploration will really help you out here.
You struggle with daily task. Sit down tonight with a pen and paper. Don't write it out on a laptop or phone. In fact, stay off of and away from technology as much as possible. Write out a daily plan for tomorrow. Set your alarm. The minute you wake up, plant your feet on the floor, get up and make your bed. If it's the only thing you do for the day it's an accomplishment and a step in the right way. You can

If you struggle to eat regularly, you prob. won't do very well, eating is the basis for all health, mental or otherwise. There can be other factors that mean even eating right won't help, but there's nothing that can make up for bad diet but good diet. You won't get proper dietary help from MSP-docs.

So, find the IOM tables and eat according to them, ensuring you get 100% of what they suggest for each nutrient: vitamins, minerals, essential fatty acids, protein.

If you stabilize after inpatient care, it's possible that your diet is screwed up---in hospital, you eat a bland and mediocre diet, but it's sort of nutritionally balanced. Then you go back to your own devices, become deficient, repeat the cycle. There have been studies on psychiatric inpatients that suggest a large majority of them have essential fatty acid deficiencies.

If you struggle to eat regularly and they can't find some sort of physiological reason for that, try eating properly on a schedule.

The first thing is please never, ever give up. Bottom line.
I've been where you are. You're so far down the tunnell it's hard to see the light. Even when you see the light it can be hard to move your feet towards it. It's debilitating to the core and I completely understand and empathize with you. I'm sorry you're going through this.
What exactly do you feel obligated to stay here for? I think the obligation should be to fulfil a wonderful and happy existence. Suicide (I'm sure you've heard this a million times) is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Life is already so short as it is. Why opt out early? You have so much to look forward to. The world needs you to get through this and help someone else who can't see the light.
As a person who is coming out of depression trust me. let's get you on the right path.

I was also living alone and when you're feeling as down and out as you are its actually best to live around people. It may seem like a huge task to move and you may be socially anxious to do so but please give it a try. It will take you out of your own head limiting negativite thoughts and worry. Remember, worrying is a misuse of imagination.

The longer you stay inside your home the worse it gets. You just HAVE to force yourself to do tiny steps each day and I promise you it will get better. The best way to start is wake up when the rest of the world is asleep and go for a walk around the block. Just 5 or 10 minutes. Breath the fresh air and know in your heart you are not alone. Now I know it's really easy for someone to say just do it, just force yourself to go outside but as someone who can empathize with you 100% you must try. I can't put enough emphasis on this. I was so scared to leave my house. Also, what is the reasoning behind your fear? You have to try to dig deeper. I know it can feel like homework that you don't want to do but self exploration will really help you out.
You struggle with daily task. Sit down tonight with a pen and paper. Stay away from technology as much as possible. Write out a daily plan for tomorrow. Set your alarm. The minute you wake up, plant your feet on the floor, get up and make your bed. If it's the only thing you do for the day it's an accomplishment. If it's all you can handle try it for a week. Don't feel like you haven't done anything its a step in the right direction.

I truly wish you the best

I dont know what to say to help. I just hope you can have a good day or two soon.