I have never felt as if i'm part of a family. I don't speak to my father, or want to because he mentally abused me most of my life. My mother who lives in another country likes to talk to "see if i'm okay" now and then. But she likes to be a parent when it suits her, I have no one else. i've never been close to anyone except my partners. It's a very lonely feeling. I have some aunts uncles and cousins that i have tried to connect with over the years, but they are not interested in a relationship with me at all. Also, making friends has been hard as i don't seem to meet or connect with quality people. In turn as the decades pass and i get older I feel more and more alone. It really gets me down. I love my partner and i do have one good friend. But my soul feels so empty most of the time. I also have a hard time connecting with anyone who has family connections because it makes me feel like i have and always will miss out on the feeling of being cared for. I wish I didn't feel like i am the only person in the world feeling this.