Because we know about this. Ffs.

Fight/flight wake/wank cheesies\chips. The big 3 existential questions. Don't hold anything back. Hard to breed with Kleenex

->jerked off in the living room
->it was amazing

Twitter was originally best for this type of thing. Such mundane narratives are most effectively expressed in 140 characters or less. Interchangeable with "I took an epic dump".

Also why it's gotten stale as a platform. Yawn, stretch...

Typical pornified dude.

Why assume what women understand? Do you honestly think we don't have hot dreams sometimes too? And wake up horny as hell and needing to do something about it? It's so tiresome how remarkably uninformed so many men are about female sexuality.

I can't tell you how many times of I've awakened from REM sleep with a rock-hard erection (which, by the way, happens with every healthy male during a REM/dream state) and proceeded to seduce my sleeping GF into making unbelieveably hot, passionate love to me. Trust me .. it doesn't take much in this semi-conscious state to make her dripping wet and receptive. So as the prior female commentary affirmed, never make unsupported assumptions about what your woman will and/or will not be into before you try it out first.

You totally should have fucked your girlfriend. That would've been so much better. I fuck my boyfriend in the morning even when I'm basically asleep. It is always awesome.